The question of “How am I creating this?” is one of the most powerful that you can ask yourself in the middle of a difficult issue. This isn’t another way to blame yourself or give yourself a hard time; it’s an opening to the possibility of seeing the rest of the story, the part that you haven’t found yet that has kept the issue going. Along with generating a list (see my last post), other people can be key in... Read more
The question, “How am I creating this?” is key to being able to move into one’s true power in any given situation. It’s usually pretty easy to see what someone else is doing that is problematic (also known as “blaming”), but to turn around and look at what I’m doing? That can be pretty challenging. As someone once pointed out, even the best mirrors show only 70% of us. So how do we find that last essential 30%, the clues... Read more
I frequently hear the question, “When do I know I should leave my relationship?” I used to joke that I could get rich devising a questionnaire that could tell people exactly when their relationship is no longer worth working on. (“75-100 points: This is just a blip! You’re fine! 50-74 points: You definitely need couples’s therapy. 25-49 points: Uh-oh, ship’s sinking; get your life jackets out. 10–24 points: Time for an attorney. 0-9 points: This patient is DOA.”) So, how... Read more
I had a session with a dear woman a few days ago. She’s had some big changes in her life, and was trying to figure out what she really wanted. “Well, if this were a perfect world, I’d like [x, y, z]. But instead, I guess I’ll settle for [a, b, c].” As she made her lists, I began to wonder about her presumption. That this isn’t a perfect world, so she has to live her life letting go of... Read more
I’ve been living from a main intention for the past six months, to Live From and In Space. This is a big step into for me; I used to do whatever I could to try to control my life. Plan ahead; budget; keep track of; and above all, WORRY. All of these strategies gave me the illusion that I was in charge of what was happening, so the more effort I put in, the more I could be sure to... Read more
I just returned from the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival, a 35 year-old coming-together of women that happens out in the woods in the middle of Michigan. MichFest began at the height of the women's movement, when the issue of gay and lesbian rights was coming to the fore. I went to my first festival when I was 19, and have gone back regularly to get my fix of women's energy, music, creativity, and rowdiness. This year I taught workshops on... Read more
…just look at your life.” This is a paraphrase from Jiddhu Krishnamurti, an Indian philosopher and writer. He believed that humans only find truth through the vast mirror of relationships; dogma, ritual, and religion only serve to separate us from what is real. In other words, the path to self-discovery lies in our everyday interactions with everything around us. Relationships are with our intimate others, for sure, but they extend far beyond that. We relate to our family members, friends,... Read more
The Boulder Center for Conscious Living has been open for over two years now. When we first opened the BCCL, we knew what we wanted: to have a space that would support people to live consciously. Those of us that had learned the principles of conscious living through Gay and Katie Hendricks would have a place to stay connected with each other while we took the work of transparency, responsibility, and appreciation out to the larger world. We’d have community.... Read more
Cheri Huber wrote the best book I ever read about self-hatred, entitled There is Nothing Wrong with You. She walks the reader through the recesses of the mind and how it endlessly tries to control outside circumstances by blaming and criticizing the self. What if there was nothing wrong with you? Nothing that needed to be changed: no weight to be lost or gained, no pathology that had to be eradicated (or covered up), no character defect or personality flaw... Read more
Have you thought this? If you loved me, you would bring me flowers appreciate me more call/text/email me consider my feelings be more thoughtful not use that tone use the other tone, the nice, kind one look into my eyes stop staring at me want to be sexual let me decide when to be sexual let me sleep wake me up give me space get close to me tune into what I’m really saying let me be a jerk sometimes... Read more
EVOLUTIONARY POWER
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