As I start a Patheos column in 2024, I am deeply troubled by a world that feels divided and fractured.
We live in a time where political beliefs and personal choices can easily become barriers between us. We judge, categorize, and sometimes even hate one another for the differences that make us unique. Yet, beneath the surface, we all share the same humanity. We all long for connection, understanding, and respect.
Some of us have made personal choices that others disagree with. I homeschooled most of my kids and was always questioned. I got a late in life divorce and became a pariah in my former social circle. Some of my kids have issues, and no one really understands.
What would a more grace-filled world look like?
Imagine for a moment if we could look past our disagreements and differences to see the person behind the opinion. What if, instead of jumping to conclusions, we paused and listened? What if we chose to respond with kindness instead of criticism, with empathy instead of anger or judgment?
I used to tell my kids, “If you’re talking all the time, you’re not learning because when you’re yapping, you can’t learn.”
If you want to understand someone, the first step is to listen. Most of us can express our emotions on a topic with ease. In conversation, persevere through the emotions and ask questions.
Why do you feel that way?
How did you learn about this?
What has happened in your life that led you to this position?
Can you imagine any other way to look at this?
Now, when I meet someone who is unlike me or outside of my comfort zone, I have learned to lean into being curious. The world is an interesting place filled with wonders. I invite curiosity into my life. And I learn.
Now is the time for grace
In our personal lives, we often carry the weight of misunderstandings and hurt. We build walls to protect ourselves, but those walls can also isolate us. Grace helps us to break down those barriers, to forgive past hurts, and to extend a hand of friendship even when it’s difficult. It allows us to embrace our shared humanity, recognizing that none of us are perfect.
In an average week, I am amazed at the variety and extent of pain that those around me carry. Can we look past emotion and get to the pain? When we allow it to surface, we will recognize that familiar wound and can nod with understanding, “Ah, yes. There is the crux of the issue.:
Grace is the quiet, powerful force that allows us to be patient and to show compassion. It’s the ability to see someone’s faults and mistakes and still choose to treat them with dignity. Grace is understanding that we all have our struggles and that everyone is doing their best with what they have.
How can you infuse more grace in your life?
Listen more than speaking
Offer respect even when you disagree
Accept the change is an inside job, no matter how persuasive you think you are!
My life fundamentally changed when I abandoned my need to be right in life. I was so enthused about my brand of faith, my confidence in homeschooling, my smug views of mothering that I was convinced I was right. I was doing it the right way. And maybe you weren’t.
Life smacked me upside the head a few times to make me realize that my way is not the only way. There is something about failure and disaster that brings humility, when the heart and mind are ready. No amount of arguing about other views had any impact on me. It was my way or the highway.
I wish I had learned those lessons without so much pain. My stubbornness was a force to be dealt with and life landed it’s blows to humble me and allow me to reclaim my humanity.
Do you want a more compassionate, kinder world? Bridge the gap. Heal wounds. Treat everyone with dignity and respect, even those who disagree with you. Listen more and talk less.
Today more than ever, we all need grace. Please?
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