Incredible joy.
Unspeakable pain.
This has been my parenting journey. I have traveled from the heartbreak of infertility to the miracle of answered prayers – from the birth of new life to the death of dreams.
My only regret: I wish I had been a little more prepared.
Image credit DeeDee51 at Pixabay
Preparation for Motherhood
As I prepared for motherhood, I feasted on the TV ads showing the lovely young mom rocking her baby, dressed in a flowing white gown, gazing at her beautiful babe.
That was how I thought it was supposed to be. Instead, motherhood descended on me with a sudden fury. Adopting our first child on short notice, a colicky biological child followed 17 months later, leaving me panting in the dust with postpartum depression. Then we adopted two more kids through international adoption, who each presented substantial learning disabilities.
Each child presented challenges and blessings.
After launching two from homeschool high school, we heaved a sigh that our job was half over. If we made it this far, we would surely finish the race with confidence.
The Crucible of Marriage and Motherhood
The story of my descent into the crucible starts on a pretty regular day. During this particular season of life, my pattern for managing my gut-wrenching grief was to go to my bedroom and get on my knees bedside. The younger two kids were still at school and my (then) husband was at work..
And so, I would cry. And wail. It was the only way to get some release from the sadness stored up inside me – the sadness that would destroy me if I did not deal with it.
On one of these days, something different happened. I experienced a peace. It wasn’t merely a feeling or an imagination. Years of therapy and an unwavering faith in a faithful God worked together to meet me in my distress.
My prior pattern had been as follows:
I would pray, “Lord, please heal and sustain my (then) husband in his cancer.”
I would pray, “Lord, bring my troubled daughter home and release her from her addiction to heroin and the lifestyle that accompanies it.”
I would pray, “Lord, heal my other daughter who is nearly consumed by her own psychological issues. And by the way, how in the world will we pay for these hospitalizations?”
I would pray, “Lord, help me with my youngest two and their learning disabilities. Help me to be patient and loving with them and help me prepare them to live in an unaccepting world.”
Finally, I would pray, “Lord, if it be your will, heal me from the substantial health problems of my own that you have allowed in my life.”
In my prior pattern, I would lift these prayers to the Lord. Rather than emerging in victory, I would arise in defeat and shuffle away with a resignation that I would carry these burdens for many more years.
But this day was different. This day the Lord met me in my pain. No, I didn’t hear His voice, or feel the touch His hand on my shoulder. I had been given the gift of perspective with the necessary boundaries to allow me to be helpful to those is distress around me, but to not be destroyed by said distress.
I still have major concerns and the fret fests, but I know that the Lord is with me. The certainty and grounded-ness of His peace is mine.
The Disillusionment of Reality – The Promise of the Future
Being a woman, a wife and a mother are opportunities for great joy. We revel in the emotionality and gift giving of Mother’s Day, the birth of a child, or our wedding anniversary.
But what do we do when those callings of wife and mother are discouraging?
We could evolve into bitter empty nesters. Or we can process our pain, use our experiences to draw closer to the Lord, become stronger, and bless others.
Are somewhere in the crucible? Are you feeling robbed or cheated of the promise of the joy of marriage and motherhood?
Take heart. You are experiencing the grit and irritation of the oyster shell, polishing and refining you as a woman and a wife, a mom and a human.
What will emerge might astonish you.
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