A Thousand Pools

I am awake. It wasn’t always so.

It may not last for long. So let me

say this while my heart is beating like

a river. This life is more than one can

bear. It’s taken years to learn this, to

feel this, to know this in my bones.

I am not talking about giving up or

persevering. I mean we’re not designed

to bear it in the first place. Anymore

than the sun bears the sky or the wind

bears the thousands of leaves it moves

through. I am awake. This time I stum-

bled to it. I was productive. Some said

on fire. Then I tripped on something

ordinary. Like a pebble in your shoe.

And I fell out of the dance I had

created. The one by which I knew

my worth. I couldn’t get it back. It

depressed me for months. But like a

whale I kept diving down and coming

up. Despite the parting of my dream.

Now I’m awake as I never imagined.

This doesn’t preclude pain or weather

or disappointment. These as well as joy

land in some lake I have carried since

birth. It stills whatever enters without

silencing our heart. Like an endless

pool that clears after a violent rain,

you can see through me. Come.

Look. I am awake.