It’s taken almost sixty years but I’ve stopped
figuring out what people want. Now I’m working
on not being afraid of not giving people what they
want. I’m trying to absorb light which from a person
feels like truth. Trying to let light pass through which
when it happens feels like love. Then I stumble on
Heidegger’s notion of dwelling with care in the being
that underlies everything. Feel myself saying yes. Only
to discover he supported Hitler and enforced Aryan
law as Rector of the University of Freiburg. A telegram
to Hitler. And three Sieg Heils at the end of his inaugural
address. Now my not being shaped by what people want
seems trivial. Or is it the DNA of conscience? Hannah
Arendt, his student and lover, was a Jew. She testified
on his behalf after the war. How are we to hold such
contradictions? Somewhere seeds are breaking ground
and somewhere flesh is burning. This is hard enough
to take in. Yet how does this happen in the same
person without their soul exploding? We’ve all been
taught to take what we need and leave the rest. Why
not drink from Heidegger’s being and push the rest
of his plate away? But the pushed-away parts evolve
too. I’m trying to absorb what we’ve done to each
other throughout history, trying to eat all of what
I see and scrub one thing back to the beginning.
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