World Vision: It’s Never Too Late To Hate

World Vision’s annual budget is $1 billion. When $1 billion is at stake you backtrack. The Evangelical establishment closed ranks against gay men and women signaling to a new generation of Christians that their religion stands for backward stupidity, not to mention hate. World Vision’s move to allow married gay people to work for the organization was denounced by evangelical leaders as a ‘disaster’ betrayal of biblical morality. Christians canceled their child sponsorship.

World Vision caved.

The Assemblies of God, told its members to shift their contributions to charities “that maintain standards of sexual morality.” R. Albert Mohler Jr., president of the Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, said the decision “points to disaster.” Franklin Graham, said World Vision “ducked responsibility to fidelity to God’s word. What if a job applicant belonged to a church that incest?”

World Vision caved fast in a statement signed World Vision President Richard Stearns and Jim Beré, Chairman of the World Vision U.S. Board.

Here’s the official backtracking explanation letter.

I’ve added my REVISED satire additions in BOLD ITALICS …

Dear Friends,
Today, the World Vision U.S. board publicly reversed its recent decision to change our employment conduct policy because we, like all craven Evangelical leaders are more interested in our pay checks than in Jesus. The board acknowledged they made a mistake and chose to revert to our longstanding conduct policy requiring sexual abstinence for all single employees and faithfulness within the Biblical covenant of marriage between a man and a woman.

But we’re going another step, just to prove we’re back! Since the Bible calls for the stoning to death of women who have sex outside marriage the least we can do in the spirit of Biblical faithfulness is to begin to carry out virginity checks for all female employees. The procedure takes only 15 to 30 minutes, and a born-again woman who believes in the full intact inerrant Bible is always one of three Evangelical doctors present.

The results are then studied by at least two other doctors and personally vetted by Franklin Graham, who has volunteered to be present. If Franklin finds that the woman is not a virgin, her family is required to compensate World Vision and/or her husband, who had been counting on a Jesus-centered virgin and got a whore.

WE ARE ALSO GOING TO ENFORCE THESE LAWS IN A SPIRIT OF FOLLOWING GOD’S WORD!

 From now on no World Vision worker will:

let cattle graze with other kinds of Cattle (Leviticus 19:19)

have a variety of crops on the same field. (Leviticus 19:19)

wear clothes made of more than one fabric (Leviticus 19:19)

cut their hair nor shave. (Leviticus 19:27)

AND IF AND WORLD VISION WORKER…

…curse his mother or father, he must be killed. (Leviticus 20:9)  

…cheats on his wife, both the man and the woman must die. (Leviticus 20:10).  

…sleeps with his father’s wife… both him and his father’s wife is to be put to death. (Leviticus 20:11)

…sleeps with his wife and her mother they are all to be burnt to death.  (Leviticus 20:14)

… has sex with an animal, both human and animal must be killed. (Leviticus 20:15-16).

… has sex with a woman on her period, they are both to be “cut off from their people” (Leviticus 20:18)

…psychics, wizards, and so on are to be stoned to death.  (Leviticus 20:27)

…if a priest’s daughter is a whore, she is to be burnt at the stake.  (Leviticus 21:9)

…people who have flat noses, or is blind or lame, cannot go to an altar of God (Leviticus 21:17-18)

…anyone who curses or blasphemes God, should be stoned to death by the community  (Leviticus 24:14-16)

And… last but not–by God’s Grace– least…

World Vision workers will no longer let cattle graze with other kinds of Cattle! Amen? AMEN! (Leviticus 19:19)

We are writing to you our trusted partners and Christian leaders who have come to us in the spirit of Matthew 18 to express your concern in love and conviction and cut off our 1 Billion in income unless we learn to hate for Jesus. You share our desire to come together in the Body of Christ around our mission to keep a staff of thousands paid, our pay checks rolling in and to serve the poorest of the poor. We have listened to you and want to say thank you and to humbly ask for your forgiveness for failing to keep up the drumbeat of persecution of gay people in the hope that some lonely teen will jump off a bridge. In the NAME of JESUS we proclaim that we hate gays as much as everyone else who serves Jesus and the poor.

In our board’s effort to unite around the church’s shared mission to discriminate against the other, serve the Fox News bigots in the name of Christ, we failed to be consistent with World Vision U.S.’s commitment to the traditional understanding of Biblical marriage and our own Statement of Faith, which says, “We believe the Bible to be the inspired, the only infallible, authoritative Word of God and that includes everything, no matter how plain nuts!” And we also failed to seek enough counsel from our own Christian partners like the editors of Christianity Today magazine. As a result, we made a change to our conduct policy that was not consistent with our Statement of Faith and our commitment to the sanctity of marriage. So we are firing all divorced people too! And we are firing any woman who has had sex before marriage! And what about those farmers who mix their crops! 

We are brokenhearted over the pain and confusion we have caused many of our donors by temporarily acting sane, compassionate and informed. It’ll never happen again!  You all saw this decision as a reversal of our strong commitment to Biblical mythology.

We ask that you understand that this was never the board’s intent. We are asking for your continued support. You were right! We kiss your butts and bow to the stupidity of our holly book that we worship instead of worshiping God!

Free tickets to the Creation Museum will go out to everyone who signs back on again to sponsor a child now we have repented! We commit to you that we will continue to listen to the wise counsel of Christian brothers and sisters including Franklin Graham, the editors of Christianity Today magazine and Sarah Palin, and we will reach out to key partners in the weeks ahead.

While World Vision U.S. stands firmly on the biblical view of marriage, we strongly affirm that all people, regardless of their sexual orientation, are created by God and are to be loved and treated with dignity and respect.

Please know that World Vision continues to serve all people in our ministry around the world though we now will remove any child who does anything gay. From now on we will make any gay child getting food promise that they won’t ever, ever have same sex thoughts. The price of getting rice is to be nice!

We pray that you will continue to join with us in our mission to be “an international partnership of Christians whose mission is to follow our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in working with the poor and oppressed to promote human transformation, seek justice, and bear witness to the good news of the Kingdom of God.” So send us the money again already!
Sincerely in Christ,
Richard Stearns, President
Jim Beré, Chairman of the World Vision U.S. Board

Coming Soon From Frank Schaeffer (Pub Date May 15)…

WHY I’M AN ATHEIST WHO BELIEVES IN GOD

How to Create Beauty, Give Love and Find Peace

By

Frank Schaeffer

Caught between the beauty of his grandchildren and grief over a friend’s death, Frank Schaeffer finds himself simultaneously believing and not believing in God—an atheist who prays. Schaeffer wrestles with faith and disbelief, sharing his innermost thoughts with the lyricism that only great writers of literary nonfiction achieve. Schaeffer writes as an imperfect son, husband and grandfather whose love for his family, art and life trumps the ugly theologies of an angry God and the atheist vision of a cold, meaningless universe. Schaeffer writes that only when we abandon our hunt for certainty do we become free to create beauty, give love and find peace.

“As someone who has made redemption his work, Frank has, in fact, shown amazing grace.” — Jane Smiley, Washington Post

“To millions of evangelical Christians, the Schaeffer name is royal, and Frank is the reluctant, wayward, traitorous prince. His crime is not financial profligacy, like some pastors’ sons, but turning his back on Christian conservatives.” — New York Times

“Frank Schaeffer’s gifts as a writer are sensual and loving. He’s also laugh-out-loud funny!” — Andre Dubus III, author of House of Sand and Fog

Follow Frank on Twitter www.twitter.com/frank_schaeffer

See Frank’s paintings http://www.frankschaefferart.com/

Follow Frank on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/frank.schaeffer.16

Contact Frank at http://www.frankschaeffer.com/

Frank Schaeffer is a writer. His latest book — And God Said, “Billy!“ exploring the roots of American religious delusion, and offering another way to approach true spirituality, is on Kindle, iBook and NOOK for $3.99, and in paperback. It spent 8 weeks as Amazon’s #1 best seller for Political Humor.