Become Affirming BEFORE Your Gay Child Comes Out

I was privileged to sit on a parents’ panel at Matthew Vines’ The Reformation Project Conference. Others on the panel were Danny Cortez, Jane Clementi and Monte Vines.

Kathy Baldock, the moderator, asked: “What is the best thing you can do to support your LGBTQ child?”

Danny Cortez said: “Become affirming before they come out!”

We all laughed because those of you who know Danny’s story know that he is a Southern Baptist preacher who toed the SBC party line in opposition to the homosexuality. But God began to show Danny just how thin the biblical case against homosexuality really is.

Then, in a surprising conversation with his son, Danny came out as affirming, and then his son came out as gay! Crazy, wonderful, and amazingly timed.

A different situation just happened when my friend declined to spend Thanksgiving with her extended family because they don’t approve of and embrace her lesbian daughter. “It’s just too hard, she said, and I’d feel sad all day about how they view my daughter.”

Agreed. I would not spend Thanksgiving with extended family either and listen to how they don’t accept my daughter. Or silent disapproval and judgment.

She has been extraordinarily kind with them. She is sending a dish even though she will not be there. Above and beyond what most of us might do when family rejects our child.

Her question is: Do they need more time to process? How long might it take them? How does she and her immediate family move forward?

That’s when it hit me: do we really have to process this individually each time someone comes out? Can Christians not read the writing on the wall? Do they not recognize the heart of God, the truth of the Gospel, and the movement of the Spirit?

The possibility of having an LGBTQ child is NOT a new thing. Gay kids have been in Christian homes for a long time now. However much Christians want to be in denial that “it could not happen in their home,” it IS happening.

It’s time to face how important a question it is to sort through.

The more parents process the possibility of an LGBTQ child now, before they face it in reality, the better they will do by their child when/if they face it in real time.

That’s when I remembered Danny’s answer. It could be the best advice on the subject.

“What is the best thing you can do to support your LGBTQ child?”

“Become affirming before they come out!”