People have always been bigoted—in any number of ways. Jesus’ enormous challenge to “love your neighbor” and the accompanying, “everyone’s your neighbor” is part of the challenge to overcome our bigotry, to love in spite of our inclination to turn away and say, “No.” If it were easy, everyone would do it. But there are not two sides to this. This is crystal clear if you just think it through. Take out the word “gays” and insert the word “blacks.”... Read more
I write today to Christian parents of LGBTQ children who are worried about their kids. Struggling with this whole thing. From a Mom’s heart to yours. Easter is the day Christians celebrate new life in a risen Savior. It’s a day to think about crucifixion and resurrection. What God is calling us to do versus what we want. It’s a day of new beginnings. My favorite memories of Easter as a child are the Easter baskets (of course!), the matching... Read more
We recently announced my new book with Westminster John Knox Press, and launched our new FreedHearts website. As we make these changes – and there is more exciting news to come! – I want to share my heart, my vision and my hope. From my heart to yours. 🙂 If you are in the evangelical church, or if you are in the LGBTQ community, you know that the church today is fractured. Parents love their children to the ends of... Read more
I have five adult children I love with all my heart. Two of them identify as queer. Wild horses would not cause me to reject any one of them. Ever. These are my precious children. My MAIN JOB is to love them. Nurture them. Protect them. Have their back. Educate them. Correct them when they are young. Direct them when they are adolescents. Let them go when they are older teens. Give them my best wisdom when they seek it.... Read more
Let me give a new twist to an old story. Mitchell had fought back the growing awareness that deep down, despite all outward appearances, he was really a she. His family—well, everyone—had always called him “he,” had always called him Mitchell… but deep down, where no one could see, “he” was a “she.” And she was Marisa. But he had no idea how he would tell his father. No idea… No help. Mitchell wrote a note: “Dear Dad, I cannot live this... Read more
Prodigal. It has come to mean “someone who was wayward but has now straightened up and back in God’s good graces.” Some parents hang onto this idea like a sweet promise: trust God while your child makes some poor choices, possibly self-harms, until they come back to their senses. Other parents hang it over their kids’ heads as a kind of judgment. You come back and then you get full relationship again. And the kids feel it, the condition in... Read more
I am so sorry. And I am so thankful. First, please let me say that it is an honor and a privilege to be your parent. I could not have asked for a better child. I am so sorry for what I did and said that made you wonder if I love you, and I am sorry for what I failed to do and say to let you know how much I love you. I am also sorry for the... Read more
No matter what you have heard: God is not mad at you. God is not disappointed in you. Not a single little tiny bit! And I do not mean this “in spite of” your orientation or identity. After all, God created you the way you are. I mean that God harbors no ill will or anger or even disappointment at you—because that is not how God works. That’s just not how any of this works. There is a commercial about... Read more
We’ve all heard it. This smiling, friendly person says, “I’m so glad to see you. I love you, and God loves you… but I don’t approve of your lifestyle—the Bible is very clear.” (sigh) Why do you feel compelled to add your assessment of someone’s “lifestyle” (which you likely have no understanding about if you use the word “lifestyle”). Why must this disclaimer be tagged onto every conversation you have with or about lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people? If... Read more
One of the moms in our Facebook support group posted this interaction with her neighbors. I have to say, this is amazing. This is what it means to love others, to treat others as you want to be treated, to be a peacemaker. Bless you all, as you work through your differences, as you work to be peacemakers. Here you go… A few weeks ago, my son Benny asked to put on makeup and paint his nails. I snapped a... Read more
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