An Open Letter To President Obama, From A Level 90 Elf Priest

Mr. President,

I write to you today not as David French, citizen of the United States, but instead as Rickybobbey, level 90 Blood Elf priest, Defender of a Shattered World, the Starcaller, possessor of the legendary cloak Xing-Ho, Breath of Yu’lon.

With a heavy heart I heard out town crier declare the news: Your trolls in the NSA (I merely presume they are trolls, for trolls cannot be trusted) created “characters” in the World of Warcraft and played for hours, searching our beloved Azeroth for the crazy and the dangerous.

Is there no safe space? Just last night, as I readied our guild, the vaunted <My Precious> of realm Kil’Jaeden, to confront the deranged horde warchief, Garrosh Hellscream, I did so with disquiet in my elven heart. Were our communications monitored? Was our beloved guildmate, Slovmo the elf, really Slovmo or an NSA plant, placed there to monitor our loyalty to your earthly realm?

I think of the countless hours spent questing with Woebot the monk. Was that even real? Or was our bond manufactured in the bowels of your bureaucracy, a mere pretext designed to guarantee my compliance and channel my considerable magical power to support your rule?

Azeroth’s balance of power is delicate, and the peace between Alliance and Horde fragile. Fray those bonds, damage that trust, and the digital blood will flow. Will I continue to merely /wave at my potential Alliance enemies while continuing our common mission of confronting Garrosh, or shall I now destroy them on sight, mind-flaying them out of existence as potential spies?

I shall fight on, for that is my duty, but I shall do so with a heavy, wary heart.

For that, I blame you. Hear the words of the mighty Jon Stewart of the Realm New York. Hear them and take them to heart: