The French Revolution
As my seventeen year old daughter explores which college to attend, the appeal of the Ivy League schools (if she were blessed enough to get in) is strong. It’s hard to resist the hundreds of years of academic excellence, her father’s legacy from Harvard Law School, and the sense of accomplishment from earning that acceptance letter.
But.
Over the past few years, the Ivy Leagues seem to be fill with students and faculty who are unwilling to say “The Emperor Has No Clothes.” And the emperor in this case, of course, is the almighty notion of Political Correctness. Here’s the latest confession from a former Columbia University student who has kept the secret of being called up for “gender misconduct” after calling himself “handsome” in a Chinese language class.
Columbia put me through ‘re-education’ for telling a joke
Now I’ve graduated from Columbia University, I am finally ready to reveal a dark and shameful secret I have kept buried for almost two years: I am the living manifestation of the evil white male cis patriarchy. I, Ben Sweetwood, committed “gender misconduct” while a student at the above mentioned institution of higher learning.
I was in Chinese class in the Fall of 2014. I was a bit of a jokester in class, though also a good student, so it’s not like I didn’t make contributions to the class. Often we had to use new vocabulary or sentence structures to make up our own sentences.
One somber autumn morning, I took the opportunity to call myself handsome in Chinese. Wǒ hěn shuài, I uttered in my unchecked malevolence and without care for cultural norms or general moral principles. I know you must be too aghast to read on at this point, but please, bear with me, so that this kind of horrific statement never sees the light of day again.
The next day during class, my teacher asked me to stay after class. I obliged, and I certainly felt it was not for her to tell me how brilliant I am. The teacher sat next to me on a bench outside the classroom and told me that I made a comment in class that upset someone. Consequently, I had been reported to the Gender-Based Misconduct Office.
She mentioned I had called myself handsome and alluded to my joking personality in general. She also told me she was not offended at all. She said she thought it was funny, but that she didn’t want to get in trouble herself. She told me if I want to make those jokes, I should come to her office hours to do so. I assumed it’s because my sick mind needed to be contained in a space where other students were not at risk of harm. I felt bad for the teacher as she seemed to be in a tough situation, where she had no choice but to scold me.
Later that day, my advising dean emailed me to say, “The University’s Gender-Based Misconduct Office contacted us because they received a complaint about your behavior towards your Elementary Chinese II professor. It is important we meet to discuss this as soon as possible.” I responded in a defiant tone, denying any wrongdoing, though I agreed to meet the next day.
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