Life Lessons from 2009

Jennifer at Conversion Diary has posted her own “life lessons” from 2009, and I felt inspired to do the same. So here they are, in no order of importance, my life lessons from the past year.

1. You plan, God laughs. No, seriously. So this isn’t exactly news to anyone, I don’t think. But it’s a true lesson that bears repeating, and one which I felt a deeper understanding of this year. I did not plan to get pregnant right away; I did. I did not plan to have a miscarriage; I did. I did not plan to take an extra semester to finish my thesis; I did. I did not plan to still be unemployed at this point (at least not without a baby); I am.

I did not plan to love Indianapolis; I do. I had no idea that the transition to married life would be so smooth for us; it was.

Life is a mixed bag of blessings and tragedies. And I can’t help but wonder if maybe it’s God’s will for it to be this way. Not that God wills tragedy in our lives, but that He allows it for ultimate plan to unfold as only He knows it will.

Will this stop me from making plans in 2010? Hardly. But this lesson may just help me not hold too fast to those plans, and help me remember who the real author of our lives is.

2. Love is really, really important. Again, self-evident I’m afraid, but I prove to be a remedial student of life. Let me also be clear, I am not talking about butterflies-in-my-stomach, infatuation “love”, though that is certainly very pleasant and has its place.

I’m talking about real, authentic, wants the good of the other person regardless of the cost love. When you get married, that’s what you’re promising to the person on the other side of that ring. And it’ll be tested. Sometimes in ways very surprising.

I am talking, of course, of having a surprise pregnancy and miscarriage 3 months into married life. Now, it might seem like, “Oh you got pregnant by surprise, then you lost the baby…it worked out well!” And if you said that I’d have to stifle the urge to abandon my pacifist tendency and slap you.

Although we were postponing (or so we thought), our hearts were not really in it. And as anyone who uses NFP will tell you, the single best predictor of how “effective” it will be is your desire to not get pregnant. Our general attitude was, “We probably don’t have grave reason to postpone, but no one gets pregnant right away, so we’ll wait a few months for good measure.” Yeah, right.

One of the unintended consequences of getting pregnant so soon was that it made us both realize our deep desire to have a baby. After the initial shock wore off, we were overjoyed! So of course, when we learned that we’d lost Michael, it was heart-breaking. This is where love comes in.

I wore the same sweats for a week. I did not wash my hair. I sat and cried and stared off into space. I screamed at God and Atticus. And neither of them left me. My young husband, who had only been in this whole thing for 3 months, showed me what love really is. And how very important it is.

3. Dogs bring joy. I guess if you’re a cat person, you could insert “cat” into the space occupied by dog, but, you’d be wrong. 😉

Atticus and I got Sirius in August, and he has brought so much joy into our lives. Dogs are an excellent study in simplifying life, and accepting people as they are.

Sirius has about six personal possessions. One blanket, one rope toy, two stuffed “pookies”, food/water bowl, and one orange cable knit sweater. And he couldn’t be more happy if he had a whole house full of crap. The best things in his life are his food (of course), taking walks, the occasional treat, and what we call “family snuggle” when the three of us lay in a heap on the couch watching tv/movie.

Dogs do not care if you stay in pj’s most of the day, or if you’re not wearing makeup, as long as there’s breakfast. Dogs do not care if you say anything particularly brilliant, witty, or original, as long as you’ll throw that stick one.more.time.

Dogs bring joy.

4. Ask and ye shall receive. When Atticus and I moved to Indy, I worried about meeting girlfriends, because I wasn’t working, and was spending my days doing the solitary work of my thesis. Now, we did make some friends through a church group, but I lacked that *click* that happens when you meet someone who is, for lack of a better description, a kindred spirit.

Then this fall I started investing more time and creative energy on my blog, and lo and behold, a small group of really great women began commenting on my posts. I really enjoyed reading their thoughts and comments. We’ve been building a real community in this forum, a place where we can witness the love of God to each other, and find those “kindred spirits” who share the same faith and values, which are the bedrock of any good friendship.

But if you had asked me, when I prayed to God asking for some girlfriends, if I thought they’d arrive via internet, I would have laughed. BUT, God provided what I prayed for, in a slightly different guise than I would have imagined, but one that is so beautiful nonetheless. And now I am so blessed to be meeting Elizabeth from That Married Couple tomorrow when I fly into PA to visit with my family!

I have the feeling that if I spent more time opening my eyes and mind to God’s providence, and spent less time opening my mouth, I would find that God answers my prayers in very unique ways. I will try to work on this in 2010.

5. Time is only wasted when I waste it. Another obvious one, but I am a notorious time waster. This became especially apparent to me the last month or so, when I was waiting to find out if I was pregnant or not. I was not doing anything to prepare to be a mother, to be pregnant. I was just wasting time; so it was…time wasted. I said to Atticus, “How many more months will I have to waste?” I reflected on this later, and realized what I have been doing.

I have dragged my feet on finishing my thesis, and on looking for a full time job, or making a decision about going for the MSW because I have been waiting around to get pregnant. I have not even been doing all that is in my power health-wise to make a pregnancy easier. I have been wasting time, and so my time has felt wasted.

This is a lesson I have learned late in 2009, but one I will surely carry into 2010. Look for a post on my goals for 2010 soon.

All in all, I think I have learned a lot of simple but difficult truths during this past year. I can’t wait to see what 2010 has in store! What are your life lessons for 2009?

Also, please enjoy this video of “wave on wave” by Pat Green. I love this song!

Am I the one You were sent to save?