The Post I Should Write

Friends,

I’ve been meaning to write a really great, insightful post about being pregnant, and the experience thus far. However, every time I start to write about it, I draw a blank. Before we conceived, I thought “Whenever I get pregnant, I’m going to just be reflecting on it constantly, and on God’s goodness.” Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not as though I’m NOT reflecting on being pregnant, or on God’s goodness. It’s just that, other than the physical symptoms, I’m not entirely sure that the REALITY of the LIFE INSIDE ME has set in just yet.

I’m excited to be pregnant, I’m happy to be pregnant. I’m even happy to be so tired I can’t think, to burp like a frat boy, and have enough fire in my throat to give a dragon a run for its money.  I like being pregnant (though I don’t love my skirts and pants getting tight).

God blessed us with this pregnancy, but not because of anything we did (or didn’t do). Long ago I abandoned my misguided belief that God rewards those who live according to the moral law in regards to marriage and sexuality. That might be how I think God should operate, but it’s not.

As Kaitlin so beautifully said shortly before her miracle, “A child is ALWAYS a gift, and is ONLY a gift.” God did not bless us because we had earned it, or because we deserved it. God blessed us with this child because our God loves to bless us! God loves to give everything to us; otherwise, how could we ever accept that God had given his only Son, and His own body, for us. Out of love. That’s the kind of giver we’re talking about here.

God gave us Michael, though it was His will to take him away shortly after conception. God has blessed us with this little one, who is plugging away (and even wiggling around) in my womb as I type this (though I can’t feel anything yet!). We pray everyday that it will be God’s will for us to meet this little one in January.

I continue to be amazed by the sacrificial love that Atticus has for me. He works all day, comes home and (most nights) makes dinner, does the dishes, carries the laundry upstairs, and takes the dog out. Then he rubs my back. And never complains, but instead asks me “what else” he can do to help me. He is a living example of Christ’s love to me, and I’ve been more convinced in the last month that I married an absolute hero than I was before (which I didn’t think possible).

Hopefully I’ll have something more articulate in the future, but for now, I’m going to take a nap! 😉