2012, In A Word

Happy New Year! Today I am not going to write about all of my awesome New Year’s Resolutions. Mostly because I don’t have any.

Exactly.

Just kidding. I am so not perfect, which is apparent if you’ve spent any time on this blog at all.

But, I hate “New Year’s Resolutions” as such. They’re just too tempting to someone like me, a perpetually dissatisfied perfectionist. I make an awesome, color coded bullet point list of all my resolutions and how I’m going to finally get off Pintrest my butt and do more! Clean all the things! Paint tables! Make crafts!

Then the dog poops on the carpet, I pace, drink some coffee, and turn on Buffy. You see, my list of resolutions is only perfect in my head and on paper, so it usually only goes that far.

I need a better reason than a new calendar to make changes that are more than skin deep.

For instance, I now weigh the least I have weighed since I was in fifth grade or so. I wish I was exaggerating for dramatic effect. I was a fat kid. I digress. My point is, I lost 15 pounds (thank you Weight Watchers!), and I did it not because a date on the calendar compelled me to change, but because I wanted to lose the baby weight, to be healthy, and to prove to myself that I could see the number on the scale that I now see.

That kind of change happens because of something internal, some kind of grace and fortitude that allows one to keep going when french fries smell so good. It doesn’t happen because of external pressure or because a new year has begun. At least, not in my experience.

So, I’m not resolving. I’m not making bullet-point lists. I’m not making goals.

I’m on my knees praying for change. I’m not relying on myself; I’m going to the Source. It’s so hard for me, but I’m not trying to fix all of my flaws overnight. Instead, I’m choosing one big thing. One theme for the year. One watchword. One virtue in which to grow. One fruit of the Spirit for which to pray.

Temperance. That is, self-discipline.

Discipline, from the root word disciple. To become more like the One I worship. To truly be His disciple.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control…”

I don’t know about you all, but I could use a lot more fruit of the Spirit in my life.

The discipline to make and keep a schedule for writing and my other duties. The discipline to pray every day, not only when I feel like it. The self-control to not raise my voice at my husband or daughter. The discipline to seek my comfort in God, not food.

The list is not pretty, and it goes on and on.

No resolutions this year. Just one word (OK, maybe two) to guide me. Two words, and many oceans of prayer.

What’s your guiding virtue for 2012?