On Tuesday we blogged about Larry Sanger, founder of Wikipedia, who has written about “why I was not a Christian and why I am one now.”
It turns out, he grew up and was confirmed in the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. As a teenager, his faith started slipping away, so he decided to talk with a pastor for help with his questions. It did not go well.
To review:
At some point in my late teens, I remember calling up a pastor—I forget which—to ask skeptical questions. It felt bold for a teenager to do, but I was not merely being rebellious. I really needed help thinking these things through. But the pastor had no clear or strong answers. He seemed to be brushing me off and even to treat me with contempt. It seemed to me he did not care, and if anything, I had the impression that he felt threatened by me. This was a surprise. The damage was quickly done: being met with hostile unconcern by a person I expected to be, well, pastoral confirmed me in my disbelief.
This was basically what happened to Steve Jobs, also raised in the LCMS, who would go on to start Apple Computers. And what happened to a friend of mine, a precocious young lady with questions whose pastor also blew her off.
They all speak of that visit as a key event in their loss of faith. Sanger and my friend later recovered that faith. But none of them are Lutheran anymore.
So, pastors, please bear with me as a layman with the highest respect for your calling and for your office. Let’s talk about this, not only what went wrong but how such visits could be better handled. If any of you readers, pastors or laypeople, have any experience in this regard, including not only bad experiences but good experiences, how not to do it and what works well, please tell about them in the comments.
First of all, we don’t know exactly what was said in these sessions on either side. It may be that the young people misinterpreted what the pastor was saying. And I am sure that the pastors did not intend to drive anyone away.
Second, I don’t think these pastors caused the teenagers to lose their faith. Such a loss has deep spiritual roots and was under way before they talked to the pastors.
Also, I understand the difficulty. Teenagers can be off-putting. They probably came across as arrogant. They think they are smarter than the pastor is. Actually, they may be smarter than the pastor is! But that’s not the point.
The pastor might feel that he doesn’t know how to answer their questions! That’s humiliating! But that’s not the point either.
Notice that what bothered young Larry Sanger the most was not so much that the pastor “had no strong or clear answers” but that “He seemed to be brushing me off and even to treat me with contempt. It seemed to me he did not care.” He felt that he was “being met with hostile unconcern by a person I expected to be, well, pastoral.”
Sanger left Christianity to be a rationalist, so surely he would realize that just because a pastor hurt his feelings didn’t mean that Jesus isn’t God incarnate. There is no logical connection. And yet his feelings “confirmed me in my disbelief.”
Teenagers are fragile. Their braggadocio is often a front they put up to cover their insecurities. But don’t talk down to them. Take them seriously.
When they come to see their pastor, they may have lots of questions, but often what they really want and need is pastoral care.
Not always but often, when people lose their faith, it isn’t because they have some big intellectual reason for believing that God doesn’t exist. Rather, they have an inner estrangement from God, whereupon they seize on reasons not to believe. “He who is estranged seeks pretexts to break out against all sound judgment” (Proverbs 18:1; RSV).
So though pastors need to answer the questions the best they can, they would also do well to gently probe a little, trying to get to the underlying issues.
A lot of times people abandon their Christianity because of some sin, something they have done or want to do, but they know it runs counter to Christianity. So rejecting Christianity becomes a way of exorcising their guilt. Alternatively and better yet, since their guilt shows they have been convicted by the law, you can forgive that sin through the gospel of Christ. If this comes up in an honest conversation, you can segue into confession and absolution. That’s a powerful tool in a pastor’s toolbox.
Or they have become or aspire to be members of a group that scorns Christianity. Or they are troubled by some horrible thing that happened, which they think God should not have allowed. Or they have been mistreated by a supposed Christian. Or, of course, they just have honest doubts and misconceptions about what Christianity teaches. There can be any number of reasons for such “estrangement.”
By virtue of your training and your office, you know what to do and say about such things better than I do. Sometimes just letting those who are troubled talk about what is bothering them helps them to gain perspective on the problem. “Oh, I guess it’s just peer pressure. I need to get some different friends.” Of course, in serious cases–such as abuse, psychological problems, suicidal thoughts, or the like–you will need to get outside help for the person you are counseling.
Always, though, you’ve got to treat this immortal soul with gentleness and respect. That’s your marching order direct from the Bible:
And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, (2 Timothy: 24-25)
In your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect. (1 Peter 3:15)
It wasn’t clear if the pastor Larry spoke to was the same one who catechized and confirmed him. If he was, even though he fumbled the counseling session, he, or whoever was his pastor while he was going to church did give young Larry a good foundation.
If you look over Tuesday’s post, you will notice that now that Sanger has embraced Christianity, he sounds much like a Lutheran. His commitment to sola fide and sola scriptura, down to keeping the Latin phrases. His belief in the inerrancy of Scripture. His problems with various denominations, while appreciating some of their elements, sounds very Lutheran. He doesn’t agree with Lutheran sacramentalism, though, particularly the doctrine of the Real Presence–so he isn’t a Lutheran–but I think he could change his mind on that, just as he has changed his mind on so many other issues.
His interest in doctrines is also very Lutheran. He is worried about joining a church whose doctrines he might come to disagree with. Of course, joining a church involves submitting to its teachings and its leadership, and he may need to learn how to do that. But the fact is, today, very few churches–even evangelical and conservative churches–make such a big deal of doctrine and of historical doctrinal distinctives that he and confessional Lutherans do.
The point is, Sanger has had a Lutheran formation, so his pastor deserves credit for that. Whether or not Sanger comes back to a Lutheran church, he’ll always have that foundation to build on.
Sanger is still on his pilgrimage. Let’s pray for him. And for the pastors who will be ministering to him and to everyone, young and old, in need of Christ.
Illustration: Image generated by AI according to the author’s prompts via DeepAI.
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