I feel like I mostly hear the name of our mother Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, being invoked by two camps: single sisters initiating a conversation for marriage with a dude (“Hey, i’m doing this Khadijah-style”) and dude’s singing off key about the wife that they want to have.
She deserves more than that. So, why don’t we redefine what Khadijah-style is. There is so much more to add. Khadijah-style to me is:
- Being a business woman and carrying yourself with such dignity that you are known in society as “Al-Tahera” the “pure”.
- Being married twice and still confident, the love of an eternity being right around the corner
- To give that brother who is a little bit younger a chance!
- Burying a child or two, or more, and having still a faith in God that doesn’t waver.
- Allowing for your spouse to find his place in the world. The prophet used to leave for weeks on end to the cave of Hira to worship, and then come back when his supplies ran out, and then would go right back. Yet we know nothing of Khadijah being bothered by that.
- Recognizing good for what it is and being willing to follow it, irrespective of the crowd. She was the first to believe.
- Being well aware of the best qualities of your spouse and so in their greatest moment of self doubt you are there to reinforce them with words worth their weight in gold.
- Being a support system for a husband who went from having a bulletproof reputation in society to being a laughing stock. Encouraging him, supporting him, spending on him, believing in him.
- Being patient though harm that comes to you in the form of a life drastically altered; from living in luxury and wealth to having your last years of life spent enduring a boycott and exile. And still being down with the program. Thick and thin.
- To bring such serenity and comfort to a home that the description of her home in jannah becomes one which has no “noise and no exhaustion.”
- Being the best and raising the best. Two of the four greatest women of all time are from her house.
- Living a life that is so supportive, loving and giving that your name would be mentioned on his tongue for the rest of his life, not to be distracted by anyone.
Allah, Jibreel and the prophet sal Allahu alayhi wa sallam gave their salam to Khadijah. May Allah be pleased with our mother and allow us to visit her in a place with no noise and no exhaustion.
What does Khadijah-style mean to you?
Ammar Alshukry is a poet from Queens, New York City. He began his study of the Arabic language at an early age and has been working to translate works of classical and contemporary Arabic poets. He has published an abridged translation of the Diwan (collection) of Imam AlShafi’ee and maintains the website iAmAmmar.com, a site that carries his translations as well as original works.