Returning from the Cave

It’s been a while. You know how life sometimes hands you those moments where suddenly everythingjust jumps up to overwhelm you all at once? That’s been the last couple of months for me.

Finally, everything is starting to settle down. I have all the boxes moved in to my new apartment, if not yet unpacked. I’ve started a new job, and I’m loving it. Change can be terrible and scary, but for me at this moment, it’s also turning out to be wonderful.

This past month has gotten me thinking, though. After Melissa’s beautiful post about the wonderful value of community when times get tough, I needed to reevaluate my own response to stress and difficulty.

What I typically do is withdrawal, turn inwards and tap into my own reserves. My mind rationalizes this behavior by portraying interaction as something scary, stressful, or just as too overwhelming to deal with.

But when I do go to my community, not even to talk or vent about my situation but just needing to be physically present because of commitments I’ve made, I find that Melissa is right. Simply being around the people I care deeply about, and whom care about me, calms the nervous thoughts that echo around my head.

I have a complicated relationship with the Heathen ideal of Community. It gets talked up a lot in Heathenry, ironically especially in online groups, and sometimes I strongly disagree with the way the word is used.

Often it is defined so closely as to exclude the vast majority of people, and then is used as an excuse to be rude or very abrasive – the idea being that one must only care about one’s community. Don’t even consider suggesting that Heathenry itself forms a loose sort of community, as a dogpile will form informing you that there is no ‘Heathen community’ in the least kind ways possible.

On the other hand, one of the reasons I love Heathenry is its emphasis on community. For me, having a group of people who are like family, whom I can practice my religion with, is of incredible importance. I have felt more fulfilled these past few years since joining a few local groups than I have ever before in my life. Having people who support me, who understand me (and to whom I can offer support and understanding), is an incredible feeling and something I hope I never take for granted.

Though I may at times poke fun at some online Heathen communities, particularly the more malignant spaces, I recognize that they are a needed and vital connection to community for many people. Even I who have a wonderful local community find great value in the more closed and moderated online groups, where actual conversations can flourish and spawn wonderful new ideas.

So though my instinct is to continue my silence, to hide behind excuses and try to heal my wounds in solitude, here I am. I’m still writing, and I plan to continue my schedule of twice a week updates. I have some fun and interesting articles planned for the future, so I hope you’ll come back and explore these topics with me. Thank you all for sticking around. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.