I Am Not Going To Leave

I’m not going to leave. I am not going to let myself be forced out. I am going to stand and fight for what is right and just. I am going to speak my mind. This is what my conscience tells me to do. This is where I stand in regards the institutional Catholic Church (especially in the United States). It is also where I stand in regards the United States itself. Likewise, it is what I plan to do on social media, especially twitter. If everyone who is angry, upset, depressed, or  worse, if everyone who has suffered all kinds of personal harm (sexual, physical, emotional, or even spiritual) left, the evil which has been festering will only grow stronger and faster and win. The light must shine in the darkness; no matter how dim the  light might be, it is still stronger, and cannot and will not be snuffed out. This is my own personal response. It is why, despite my frustrations with the leaders of the Catholic Church in the United States, I remain Byzantine Catholic; it is why, despite the shock and horror I feel because Trump won the presidential election, I will remain living in the United State; it is why, despite my utter disgust with Elon Musk, I will continue to use twitter. I believe if I were to leave, this would give the forces of evil what they want, and I do not plan to give them that.

Now, this is my own personal response. Other people will have to decide for themselves what is best for them and what they can and cannot do. If they do not feel safe in the institutional church, in the United States, or on social media, and decide to leave any of them out of such concerns, we must show them understanding and support for their decision. We must not try to force them to do what runs contrary to their own conscience. Those who have experienced sexual, physical, emotional or spiritual abuse in the institutional church have reasons why they feel they cannot remain in it, and if they leave, the ones who are at fault are those who have done or helped defend such abuse. We must recognize the pain and sorrow they feel, the pain and sorrow which continues even after they have left the institution, and not push back on them, trying to have them return to a situation which they feel they cannot face. Even St. Augustine explained that such people are to be treated with mercy, recognizing that if they remain faithful, believing in the Christian faith and acting on their faith, they didn’t really leave the church or Christ, even if they had to distance themselves from the institution; we can trust God is working with them, giving them whatever extraordinary graces they need to sustain their religious life and development.

I  can understand why those who believe Trump and his supporters will target them and threaten them might decide it is  best to leave the United States, hoping to find peace and safety for themselves and their loved ones. Sadly, many who would like to leave might not be able to, but those who can, are justified in doing so, and their decision to leave should be respected. Most people, after are, are unable to do what is necessary to engage a heroic struggle for freedom, and if people know they will likely be silenced and their voice never heard if they stay, fleeing from the evil which is to come is always a valid option (after all, the Holy Family went to Egypt for that very reason).

I can understand why people will leave social media, either because they do not want their contributions to be monetized and used by the owners of such media, or because they are afraid of what kind of retaliation will come from what they say on such media; I will miss them if they leave, but I want them to know I support them doing what they need to do.

It is vital that we accept that anyone who wants to leave, or needs to leave, for the sake of their own safety or sanity, or the safety and the sanity of their loved ones, should be shown compassion and understanding. Anyone who, on the other hand, believes they have to stay, do so for the same reason, and as such, they should also be shown compassion and understanding. Spiritual abuse is real, and it is a problem which has yet to be resolved in the contemporary institutional church, and it is that kind of abuse which has led to physical (and sexual) abuse, even as it is the kind which has silenced the voices not only those who have been hurt by such abuse, but those who are calling for and promote justice in the church. Should we be surprised when such voices have been silenced, Christians no longer take the concerns of justice seriously, no longer take abuse seriously, when engaging politics?

Christians have helped make the problems of the world today much worse, and they need to own what they have done. This is why those who know what those problems are should stay where they are, in the institutional church, if they can. They need to be in the institution, to be the conscience which the institution has ignored, to be the voice which can elicit change from within. Without them, it is hard to seeing meaningful reform happening in our life time. Such Christians will need to engage a creative interaction with the institutional church similar to the way monasticism can be seen as a creative engagement with the institutional church in the fourth century: while the monks and nuns believed the institutional was valid, and offered graces, they also kept themselves as far from it as they could, limiting their association with the hierarchy and the clergy (showing that monasticism often had an anti-clerical element at its foundation). They lived and showed a different way of life, one which eventually would be able to reform the institutional church due to their charismatic influence – but like all such reforms, the gains were temporary, and other generations of Christians would have to face similar issues and have to find new ways to engage the institution, to reform it while keeping themselves safe. We need that today. What such reform will be like is difficult to tell, and until it has taken hold, there will need to be all kinds of creative engagement with the institutional church, taking the good and using it when possible, especially the good which has been hidden or ignored (such as the teachings of social justice, which has been completely ignored by American clergy and so rarely preached about during their homilies).

I am not going to leave. I have seen all the evil and the good which institutions can do. I have seen the evil and the good the clergy can do. I have seen the evil and the good Christians, in general, can do. I stand with Christ, and believe what he taught and established, no matter how much I feel challenged by the practical reality which lies before me. I am upset with the leadership of the institutional church, especially in the United States. It is ridiculous for some of them to say Christians supported Trump because of their concerns for human dignity, when Trump does not promote but undermines it in most of what he says and does. All they do is make me want to stand firm and double my efforts to speak on behalf and defend those Trump plans to hurt. I keep thinking of the way the prophets lived in Israel, often condemning the abuses they saw coming from the government, and religious leaders – they spoke out of love for that which had been defiled, and so this is what Christians need to do in regards the state of the institutional church today.

I am not going to leave. The history of the United States is riddled with all kinds of evil, evil which seems has been festering for a long time and is coming back and out in the open today. I will not leave, as this is my home, it is where I was born, and where I plan to die.

I am not going to leave. I am going to continue to write and speak out on social media.

If you plan to leave, know that I understand and sympathize.

* This is post XXVI In The Personal Reflections And Speculations Series

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N.B.:  While I read comments to moderate them, I rarely respond to them. If I don’t respond to your comment directly, don’t assume I am unthankful for it. I appreciate it. But I want readers to feel free to ask questions, and hopefully, dialogue with each other. I have shared what I wanted to say, though some responses will get a brief reply by me, or, if I find it interesting and something I can engage fully, as the foundation for another post. I have had many posts inspired or improved upon thanks to my readers.