Big Love

Kathiana, our au pair, leaves on the 27th of September, after which I will be the only woman in the house.  That may not sound like a big deal to most of you, but for me it’s big.  Really big.

In the eight years we have lived here, I have never been the only woman living in this house.  It started with Andy, then Syndi, Jessica, Marnie, Kristen, Becca, Joyce, and now Kathi.  And that doesn’t count long-term house guests.  Some of the women were single and others were married.  Three women have gotten pregnant while calling this place home, four have raised children here, two have brought their babies home here, and one found out she was unable to conceive while living here.  Three women left here on dates with men they didn’t end up marrying, one of whom saw too much of me when I was nursing Ezra.  (I still maintain that the lack of marriage was not related to the exposure.) All of those women have loved on my babies in ways to numerous to count.

That’s a whole lotta womanhood in one house over eight years.  And I have loved every minute of it.  I love cooking with other women, sharing wifely duties with other women (not all wifely duties, of course), and staying up late to talk about babies, and dates, and husbands, and God, and life.  I love throwing in a few whites into some other woman’s load of laundry and pitching in to make another woman’s dinner party special.  I love getting cooking advice and counsel that I need to be more respectful to Jeff.

I love having housemates, especially other women.

I was reminded of this tonight as I was at my friend Helen’s house.  We were preparing dinner for our kids as they played across the street at Kathy’s house.  Kathy is in Hawaii, but our kids were playing in her pool.  Helen and I were also cleaning out Kathy’s freezer, which had crossed over to the other side and was full of melted ice cream and quickly thawing meat.  Celeste came over with one of her kids.  We all ate dinner together, and the kids went back to play outside while the women cleaned up.

Dinner.  Raising kids.  Managing the chaos of a house.  It’s all easier, better, and more fun with other women.

None of this is to say that I don’t need a man, specifically my husband.  I’ll be sad when Kathi leaves; I would be crushed if Jeff left.  My boys will be sad when Kathi leaves; they would be lost with their father.

So, no, I’m not saying things would be better with only women.  But I am saying that I understand the appeal of extended family living on one big family compound.  I understand daughters and mothers working side by side while their mates are off doing matish stuff.  And I hate that women’s lives have gotten so busy that there is little time to share life together.

I think I’m a better wife and mother when there are other women in the house.  And not just because I can more fruits and vegetables, which I do. And not just because I’m calmer and kinder when there is a non-familial audience, which I am.  I think I’m a better wife and mother when there are other women in the house because I’m a happier woman.

What about you?  Are you more of a one woman per kitchen kind of house or would you like a few more women around the ranch?