“Self-compassion is an extension of Jesus’ compassion…” In my life and work, one of the most helpful pieces of Brene Brown’s work is the way she distinguished guilt and shame. Guilt says: I’ve done a bad thing. It is behavior focused. It is positively correlated with healthy change. Self is not threatened so it does not need to be defensive. Shame says: I am bad. It is personhood focused. It is positively correlated with self-destructive behavior. Self is threatened so... Read more
“The story of transformation and the story of fixing are two different story lines.”- Bob Carlton It is a simple observation actually, but powerful in its implication: The love of heaven is greater than the love of Eden. Most of us are inclined to want to go back to Eden: innocence, perfection, the cool of the day, rest. But God has lovingly blocked that gate to draw us, okay force us, to seek another way, a greater way. The love... Read more
“When we live in close relationship with fools, so often we take on their shame as if it were our own.” I’ve spoken with a lot of folks lately who are suffering greatly as they try to figure out what it means to love someone caught in foolishness. Some are dealing with addictions (of all sorts). Some with long-standing and destructive generational patterns. Some are even trying to find better ways of relating to the foolish parts within themselves. It... Read more
“Self-compassion allows us to access a safe space of love and belonging in the midst of our imperfection because it is sourced in a Love beyond ourselves.” My own journey toward self-compassion began with a simple observation from a passage of scripture I’ve known for a long time: Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can... Read more
Can’t we as church live into the generosity of God’s story rather than conventional societal fear and constraint? Read more
“He subtly shamed her deeply held desire for a child even as he sought to elevate the power of his love in her life. “ When I read the stories of women in Scripture, I often listen to my internal responses as a way of listening to the story. For example, in Hannah’s story (1 Samuel 1), I would always cringe when I read Elkanah’s response to Hannah’s weeping. So, a few years ago, I stopped and listened there for... Read more
“If Jesus were with me today, what would he see? What would he say?” So often, the poet (Cheryl Lawrie in this case) says it best: …reluctantly we let go the idea that somehow it was ever going to be perfect – or even wearable in public…. What would my life be like if I just gave up the always illusive goal of trying to “get my act together” and accepted the reality that it’s never “going to be... Read more
“Go, on, say it out loud.” “When was the last time you let yourself say out loud exactly what your heart is hoping for when it comes to a hopeful change?” This question came my way this week in an email from hopeful world. It made me think of two things: Hearing a lecture by church historian Diana Butler Bass at the Consortium of Endowed Episcopal Parishes conference a few years ago when she spoke about nostalgia being the biggest... Read more
“How can I learn to forgive myself? should I?” The more I live, the more I discover the importance of self-compassion. I have been pondering this for the last year or so, and for me, it’s an ever-expanding field of inquiry. There is a lot out there in the world of research as well as from the perspective of other faith traditions like Buddhism. But what does the Christian faith have to say on this topic? The journey has... Read more
“I cannot help but be cautious about structural power in the context of a kingdom that routinely “flips the script.” I get it. Really I do. I have close friends who have known untold pain because they have been denied the opportunity to use their gifts and exercise their callings within official capacities in the church. When I worked as a hospital chaplain, I myself was kicked out of a hospital room or two simply based on my gender... Read more
Women, Wisdom, and the Word
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