Love, Death, and Mr. Joyboy

January 20, 2023 By Chase Padusniak

The nigher the end, the wonkier the appetite. Whether it’s Jay and Silent Bob in Dogma (1999) or General Jack D. Ripper saving his precious bodily fluids ahead of nuclear annihilation in Dr. Strangelove (1964), expecting our shared finale induces extremes. The gnostic sects of the first couple centuries AD were either orgiasts or ascetics, while today Proud Boys compete with new family structures held together by Blackstonian polygamy. The apocalypse is a comedy gold mine for the soul brave... Read more

Eden Undone

January 19, 2023 By Chase Padusniak

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If you combined the stories of “Little Red Riding Hood” and Last House on the Left (1972), then transposed the byproduct to medieval Sweden, you’d have Ingmar Bergman’s The Virgin Spring (1960). Indeed, the Wes Craven film was consciously modeled on Bergman’s effort, lightly nudging the tale away from idealization by associating the action with the emerging and dangerous freedom of the late 60s and early 70s. Bergman takes the opposite tack, bending toward melodrama. He sets his movie in... Read more

Sweat It Out and Dance About, the Whole Eternal Life

January 18, 2023 By Chase Padusniak

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It was about 10 years ago that, driving a friend of mine to some late-night Jersey diner, he told me he was going to queue up something, the likes of which I had never heard before—Bisch Bosch (2012) by Scott Walker. He was right. As best I can recall, he led with “SDSS1416+13B (Zercon, A Flagpole Sitter).” Shrieks and instruments I could not place pierced a stochastic silence, all whirling around the near monotone of a male voice, a steady,... Read more

Seth Green, Off the Silver Screen

January 17, 2023 By Chase Padusniak

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Very few of you, I assume, have heard of Tucker (2000-2001). No, I don’t mean the contemporary talk show hosted by the probable CIA asset, nor do I mean the side character from beloved children’s cartoon Danny Phantom (2004-2007). Let me introduce you to it much like I was. It’s the only way to experience this star child of Y2K overreach. Tucker was a children’s sitcom on Nickelodeon. In it, Seth Green plays himself as a 26-year-old actor. He, however,... Read more

The Whole Who Stole the SATs Angle

January 9, 2023 By Chase Padusniak

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Sometime in the summer of 2009 I opened video on-demand as I played World of Warcraft deep into the night. Usually, I’d be chatting with my high school friends who also played, running something I’d seen a million times before like King of the Hill (1997-2010) in the background, half-watching, half-socializing, half-playing in that excessive way of multitasking that atrophies around age 21. Not this time though. This time I was alone and willing to do whatever it took not... Read more

Rasslin’ Red, White, and Blue

January 2, 2023 By Chase Padusniak

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Baseball is not America’s pastime. Sure, we may call it that. But this is misdirection rooted in our eternal shame. We are a brash people known for screaming in cargo shorts all around this wide globe. There is, however, shame in this rudeness. We protest too much, methinks, and prefer not to be seen for what we really are: carnies. Which sport do we make a veritable sport out of hating? Soccer. You’ve heard the accusations (though these seem to... Read more

Elizabeth Taylor’s Roman Holiday

November 5, 2022 By Chase Padusniak

Identikit (1974, also called The Driver’s Seat) sets its terms of engagement from the very first shot. We see a room crammed with mannequins, populated by Lise (Elizabeth Taylor) and another woman. Lise has tried on a splendidly colorful outfit (whether garish or expressive, I cannot say—perhaps both) and proceeds to examine her new look in a full-length mirror. The saleswoman spouts off about how wonderful the clothing is, the tried routine of post-purchase praise—praise, that is, until she lets... Read more

The Total Stranger: Your Best Friend

October 22, 2022 By Chase Padusniak

It might be Sweeney Todd’s (2007) fault. When I hear about a barber-serial killer, I assume humor, or at least campiness. It just lends itself to black comedy, or at least hokey jeering. Defenseless victims in the perfect spot to have their throats slit, snake oil salesmen and Dickensian orphaned errand boys, dancing—as if in love—around human-flesh-filled meat pies. The darkest things occasion laughter because, well, what else are we supposed to do? The Stylist (2020) doesn’t go for laughs.... Read more

Which is the Original Bible? Is it the Catholic One?

October 20, 2022 By Chase Padusniak

Anyone who has spent time on the Christian part of the internet knows that the participants from various denominations love debate. What’s more, they know that a favorite topic of debate—perhaps even more than whether Catholics worship Mary (maybe the Orthodox too, if it’s a particularly enlightened crowd—is the canon of the Bible. Protestants lament the Catholic fall from the foundational doctrine of Sola Scriptura. Catholics note that Luther expunged a few books from the Biblical canon, most notably the... Read more

Pickleball! Pickleball! The Whole Dang Globe for Some Pickleball!

October 18, 2022 By Chase Padusniak

If you’re looking for a great documentary, look no further than Vice’s YouTube showcase of Valerie Blankenbyl’s The Bubble (2021). Put aside the true crime. Think about cults some other time. It’s free, folks. It comes complete with an interview with the director. You’ve got no excuse. If you read the comments on the video, you’ll see that many are praising its balanced take on a situation so emblematic of the time in which we live that it feels foolish... Read more