A Letter to Pastors

What follows is something quite unique for me.  From time to time, I’m invited into higher dialogues in our fellowship, the PCG.  Participating in these conversations is a great honor, although I seldom if ever know exactly who is being affected by them.  In this case, being primarily about types of abuse in the Christian household, I pray their lives experience a drastic change.

Good Afternoon Bro. Rayburn,

I just want to let you know about a couple of updates, in light of our conversation earlier.  I hope Dad at least offered you some good coffee, since you were hanging out together in his office when you called.  I’m not sure if Messenger still has that Keurig, and where the teacher’s lounge is now, but I was always thankful that it was right next to his office.[2]

As far as the Wilmore question, things are still quiet.

I have contacted the Registrar by phone today and left a message with the administrator.  It may be a few days, but she is copying my phone and email directly to the Registrar.  She said I will hear from them.

Remember, I also have an application in at UK Christian Student Fellowship, although I have heard very little from them.  I’ve got some calls out to them today as well.

There’s also an independent Church of Athens that’s open, although I can’t gather a lot about them online.

You and Dad asked about the family situation and the questions about how to approach abuse within a “Christian” couple.

I will reiterate something from our conversation that we all agree on, that spousal abuse is simply off the radar in the New Testament.

Therefore, I could never go along with anyone who wants to use abuse as a Biblical reason for divorce.

I’m not considering emotional abuse, since that happens to be above my pay grade at the moment.  With physical abuse, I know Rev. O.V. and Carmen Ingle would try to remove the afflicted one from the house, and then work with both spouses separately.  O.V. was a bishop and pastor.

Another one who may agree with my grandparents is Willard Harley.  I have only read his book His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage.[3]  However, he is dealing with infidelity issues.  He claims that the perpetrator is much more willing to discuss reconciliation after living alone for awhile, maintaining the house, experiencing loneliness without the other, etc.  Willard was highly regarded at AGTS during my time there.

If we cannot use Scripture to justify divorce for abuse, then what are our options?

1) We can try to share what Scriptures we have about marriage and hope for the best.

For the most part, the Epistles are positive in their language, setting an example before us.

There are Scriptures that discuss how the Christian household code is to be different than the common household codes of that age, Haustafeln (Colossians 3-4; Ephesians 5-6).  Husbands and wives are to live in mutual submission.  The Husband is still respected as head of the house.  David A. deSilva’s Honor, Patronage, Kinship & Purity: Unlocking New Testament Culture is a required read at Asbury.  deSilva is especially helpful as an interpreter of the NT household within that age.[4]

In the NT, the husband is now charged with the duty of displaying the attributes of our Heavenly Father, something that is absent from the common household codes of the classic age.  He is to love his wife and his children.

The NRSV says he is to never treat his wife harshly (Colossians 3.19) Let the Greek scholar unravel that one a little more.

When Paul says the husband is to wash his wife with the water of the Word, I instantly think of our Lord, with his back bare, towel and basin in hand, stooping low, washing the feet of His Apostles (Ephesians 5.26).  This type of humble gentleness is exactly the opposite of any form of abuse.

2) I was struck with your comment Bro. Rayburn, that they’re both claiming to be “Christians,” but one isn’t acting like it.

Since there is no firm Biblical grounds for divorce with abuse, then perhaps there is at least grounds for Church discipline of the immature Christian.  Our Lord gives us a path to proceed upon when we are reprimanding someone (Matthew 18.15-20).

Perhaps we could step back from the issue and reprimand someone for just being carnal (1 Corinthians 3.1-3).  Paul says carnality is causing envy, strife, and division.  How strong is the word strife?  Again, I defer to my Greek scholar dad, but I think it’s nearly demonic.

Then there’s one of my favorite passages on carnality, Hebrews 5.11-14. It’s not about learning the Word, it’s about ingesting it into the entire life, so that one is nourished and strengthened by it. It doesn’t sound like our Sunday School programs does it? Is the carnal Christian allowing the Word, the community of faith, and worship to be formational, not just informational? Someone may think they’re a Christian, but head knowledge doesn’t change anyone’s core.

3) Is there anything else to draw from Scripturally?

This may be a long shot, but I believe the NT is radical for household rights. I also believe the NT takes a couple of serious steps in the right direction for the rights of slaves.

Colossians 3.25 – 4.1 are injunctions to the master of slaves to be just. In Ephesians 6.9 slave owners are not to threaten slaves. Paul charges, actually commands, Philemon to treat Onesimus as a Christian brother.

1 Peter 2 – 4 discusses suffering quite a bit. Slaves are even encouraged to endure physical suffering (abuse, NRSV) for the Lord’s sake (chapter 2). Suffering seems to be absent from the husband and wife paragraphs in chapter 3. However Peter does return to unjust suffering and the Christian’s response.

Here are a couple of questions along these lines. If the marriage now resembles Christ and His bride, then how can this be a guiding light? If slavery is not abolished, but Christians are to treat their slaves as brothers in Christ, then how much better should spouses treat each other? You can rework those questions however you like.

4) Bro. Rayburn, you have been a MFT for many years. I don’t need to remind you about Family of Origin issues.

We both know that abusers have often been abused, or have been part of abusive environments. They are often replicating those environments in their present relationships. This is where the Greek Scholar might rely on your expertise 🙂

About the call, I am experiencing a little frustration, knowing that the PCG could once again be running around this same circle of questions.  I don’t know who I’m speaking to, as usual in these situations.  I certainly hope it’s just a coffee chat between you and Dad, but I also know you’re both our pastoral care experts in the PCG.

We’ve voted the abuse issue off of the floor many times at General Convention, despite the fact that it was brought up quite often over a few years.  There is simply no Biblical way to address this issue.  I disagree with anyone who would say otherwise, and have even let my voice be heard on occasion, for what it’s worth.

What grieves me even more is that if the PCG gives in on this issue of marriage now, what marriage issues are we going to give in to in the next generation?

For example, will my children be hearing how the LGBTQ’s are marginalized, how they have suffered from Christians, how they’ve been abused, and how they need to be accepted without reservation?

I can tell you from personal conversations with others who have watched their denominations implode, it only takes a small crack in the bulwark of Biblical interpretation.  Who are we to attempt to stand above the Word, and try to make 2,000 years of interpretation yield to our present-day issues?

Not only carnal Christians, but the PCG will need to be confronted with Hebrews 5.11-14 if we don’t stop this foolish argument that keeps perpetuating itself in our ranks.  This Scripture says we have the ability to lose track of the Oracles of God.

You can strike the last six paragraphs if they don’t apply, of course 🙂

I’ve done a little bit of hunting on the internet for Victory Chapel.  I can find some things.  I’m really not sure what to say.  We’re willing to pray about anything.  We’re just not sure what God has for us.  Marion Dalton, who pastors in Lexington, once prophesied over us.  He said we’ve come from generations where there has been a spirit of lack.  He added many more specifics to the prayer, but Crystal and I have never forgotten his word.  We’re believing that God can lead our family into a place for us, a place of sanctuary that ministers to us as well, a place where we can thrive and help others to.  We’re not making any quick decisions about anything, but we’re praying for God to fulfill the words like that, which he has spoken to us over time.  We may find an answer to prayer on an old country road between Lawrenceburg and Frankfort, I don’t know.  I do know I won’t ever find any better MFT supervision than in Kentucky.

Love and miss you all,

Rev. Jared V. Ingle
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