F*** Love: A Primer

F*** Love: A Primer July 22, 2018

Nick Fewings / Unsplash



This is not a guide to making love.  We will let the professionals take care of that.  This is something else.


Have you ever been locked up or locked in?  I have…but not in the sense that I’m getting at.  You see, what I’m about to describe is an event.  As problematic as I now realize such phrasing is, “lock in” or “lock up” were our names for overnight youth events.  One night, I hung out with a particular young woman.  We talked all night…discussing our hopes and dreams. By the time the morning came, we kissed.  I was in love. Then a few hours later…in typical teenage fashion…she called me to tell me that she just wasn’t feeling it. Preserving my dignity…I waited until we got off the phone to cry.  After regaining my composure…I responded with the only words that I felt like could capture what I was feeling…”Fuck Love.”


While in college, I ran around with a group of very conservative guys.  In full disclosure, I believed much of what they believed back in the day.  As I grew, I became more and more skeptical of the prevailing thoughts that were floating around this group.  One night, I experienced a moment of revelation.  We were walking downtown, when we heard a voice coming from our feet, “Can you spare some change?”  Feeling convicted, I grabbed some change out of my pocket and gave it to the man.  It couldn’t have been much…but these guys jumped all over my ass. “There is nothing loving about what you just did!  The real way to love that man is to not enable his laziness.”  I didn’t hesitate to respond, “Fuck Love.”


“We are calling you out…We are embarrassing you…because we love you.” The young woman was crying her eyeballs out.  She got caught having sex with another church member.  Where was he?  Nobody cared. In the midst of the abuse, everybody just kept talking about love.  “Fuck Love.”


Let’s be careful when we talk about love.  We might not actually be talking about love.



""In this situation, Smollett seems to want to be an advocate more than he wants ..."

Jussie Smollett & The Consequences of ..."
""I have no choice but to ..." tell you your words speak louder than you ..."

The Sermon After the Shooting
"Thank you for these words honoring a man of profound faith and conviction and peace. ..."

6 Years Ago // Don’t You ..."
"The fact that you have to remind people, even in your own in-group, who this ..."

6 Years Ago // Don’t You ..."

Browse Our Archives