My Life as God’s Punchline

Those readers who have been praying to God about my recent heart troubles can now devote their efforts to some far more worthy cause. After several weeks worth of tests, doctors haven’t found any structural damage to it.

The only odd thing they detected was a number of what are called “premature ventricular contractions.” It’s a new experience for me, but both my doctor and the Mayo Clinic website agree that these are well within the range of you’re-probably-not-going-to-die. I’ll just have to live with the darkly comic diagnosis of being a premature ventriculator.