Crazy Jesus Love: 3 Ways White People Can Love Our Black Friends

2. Don’t tell your Black friends what they should do; But do ask them what you can do to make them feel supported. 

Do you see the differences here? There’s a few.

First, you’re not asking anything of them, like an education (see 1b). You’re asking them how you, in your personal relationship with this person, can help them feel supported. It’s possible they’ll say they just want to be left alone to grieve — in which case, you should do what they say.  They’ve just told you how they would like to be loved.

Next, you’re not telling them what to do. You’re not White ‘Splainin’ to your Black friends how to fit in and not make the White folk all antsy. And you’re definitely not saying something utterly stupid like, “Well, if Black people would just stop acting like thugs….”

For the love of all that is good and holy, just stop it now if that was about to come out of your mouth. Seriously. Just. Stop.

By asking how you can best show your support, you’re offering a vulnerable servant’s heart. You’re showing that you’re willing to set aside your own agenda for the love of someone else. It’s like washing someone’s feet with your hair. It’s beautiful, and free of pride and frailty, and it’s that crazy kind of Jesus love in action.

And here’s a real kicker: they might tell you they don’t want your support. They’ve got a right to not want it. Move along.