physician, heal thyself

I said I didn’t want this blog to turn into a place for personal venting, but right now I am so frustrated I could scream, or throw something, or go back to bed. Unfortunately, I have a full calendar at work, so I’ll be choosing “none of the above.” Which just makes me that much more frustrated.

I’m making what feels like zero progress toward becoming the spiritual person I want to be, I’m buried in mundane life, and I’m set off by trivial annoyances. And I don’t know what to do, other than to keep doing what I’ve been doing, and that isn’t working.

In a response to a comment, I told Lucinda she should “trust the process” – keep meditating and praying and studying and trust that something good will come out of it. I don’t have a better response to myself… but I had hoped to see more progress by now.

Do I have unrealistic expectations? Probably – I tend to dream big and to overestimate my own capabilities. The thing is, I can’t point to anyone I know or know of and say “I want to be like that.” I feel like I’m in uncharted territory, and every map I pick up only shows how to get to places I don’t want to go.

I suppose I’ll keep trudging along… but right now it isn’t a lot of fun, and that bed looks awfully inviting…