A Prayer of Reaching (when kingdom is already here)

There is so much we haven’t reached.

And I suppose our whole lives will be spent reaching, striving, seeking.

And we may never get there, never see full glory before our last days, our last moments of sight and breath.

Still, today, I strive.

Today I hope for a better heart- I beg for it.

“Make me better! Make me new!”

And today, I long for more presence–

more presence with myself,

more presence with the people I love,

more presence with the quiet,

where I find You,

all open-armed and waiting.

And You tell me to stop striving so hard,

to stop bullying myself into darkness,

to let go and accept grace in its fullest form of gift.

It’s rained a lot the past few weeks,

but when I see the sun, I’m letting her in-every ounce of shine I can take.

Today, I’m still purging, still cleaning and renewing and restoring whatever I can.

But I want it all fully–

fully purged,

fully restored,

fully renewed,

fully cleansed.

But the universe’s walls remind me that I’m bound for now.

I am here, and there’s no moving forward until eternity beckons.

Except.

Except it beckons now, it streams in like sunlight, pierces to the marrow and the bone and the heart of hearts.

So, I walk to the edge of myself, and ask You to take me from there.

I walk to the edge of myself, and ask You to lead me into eternal things–

“Let me grasp them,” I plead.

“Let me see them, know and understand.”

And there, You whisper mystery,

just enough to calm all of me, in all of my waiting.

“Until eternity,” You say.

“Until eternity, and even now.”