Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: A Better Model For Relationships

This sounds like a book for singles, yet you have been married for over fifteen years. Who exactly is your target audience, and what qualifies you to write on this topic?

Funny enough, early cover art for my book had a lot of pictures of awkward couples, and my feedback was “this makes it look like it’s a book for singles about dating.. which it isn’t.” Ha! I’d say my target audience is the “majority” church—adults between 20 and 50 who are committed to the Bible and to nuclear family values. I wanted to encourage the church to take a bigger view of family: singles need the church to do this, and actually I really believe married people need to do this, too. This book is for anyone in the church who has felt unsure of how to handle themselves in a male-female relationship in church circles… anyone who’s ever experienced an awkward side hug.

Why me? Well, maybe I’ve had more than my fair share of side hugs? But seriously: I’ve sat with hundreds of people who have poured our their confusion and concerns, their frustration and fear about how to practically navigate relationships with the men and women around them. And because I’ve been asked about it in my ministry roles so much, I’ve read about it a ton. I took a lot of classes at seminary, but not one in relational theology. Given how often the topic comes up in actual pastoral practice, I thought we needed to do some more work there.

Law School and seminary graduate, South African living in California … you have a unique background. What led you to your current ministry and specifically to writing this book?

The short (cliched, yet accurate) answer is: Jesus. The slightly longer answer: A failed relationship just as I finished law school led to a life pivot, which led me to seminary. Soon after I started working in vocational ministry among professional businesswomen (who were then grappling with how they could be partners and managers and co-workers with men at work, but didn’t know where to stand or where they fit in in church), I met my husband, who promptly decided to pursue a Ph.D. in the States. I started volunteering in college ministry while he was at grad school, and we’ve landed up working and ministering in the same college town the past sixteen years. College students and young adults have lots of questions about relationships, dating, and marriage, so I’ve had many years to think about this!

What is/was:

Your favorite research moment:

I love this question! My favorite story from researching this story is told in the last chapter of the book: I met a woman in the lunch line during a writing residency fellowship. She asked what my book was about and I did my very best to give her a summary before we got to the dinner rolls. She stared at me blankly and I panicked a little … trying to explain using different words. She finally confessed she had no idea what I was talking about. I was crushed at my utter inability to explain why this book might be needed … until she explained that she was in fact a nun, and had taken holy orders 50 years ago. The question of giving or receiving mixed messages about sexuality or learning to live as a sister or brother in Christ was literally something she hadn’t had to think about for half a century. Her job title was “sister”! We had a good laugh about that.

One important quote from the book:

How you describe the book to your kids:

We talk a lot about church family in our house: it’s the bedrock biblical truth underlying why we cook, spend, host, decorate, and live as we do – we try to make space for the family of God, or for people who aren’t yet part of his family to get a taste of it. They know this book is about healthy relationships within church families, and that’s probably enough for now. 🙂

Your favorite American-accent word that’s different from your South African pronunciation (because you know I love your accent!)

I love the American word y’all. I really do. But I can’t say it without saying like I’m trying much too hard! The plural “you” is so prevalent in scripture: the Bible is addressed to us CORPORATELY – all y’all – not just us individually. I wish South African pronunciation had something even close to the awesomeness of all y’all.

The best link to find BASH:

Head to www.beyondawkwardsidehugs.com, which has links to all the places where it is sold, as well as fun memes and reviews from various other peeps. You can also download a free chapter there if you want more of a sampler!

More about Bronwyn:

Bronwyn Lea has been active for twenty years in vocational ministry to serve, encourage, teach, and mobilize Christians of all ages. A graduate of law school and seminary, she ministers in her local church and also heads up Propel Sophia, the Christian living wisdom resource for Propel Women. Bronwyn is mom to three school-aged kids, who keep her somewhere between hilarious laughter and desperate prayer on any given day. She and her fellow South African husband live in Northern California, where they count the men and women in their church as both friends and family. Learn more at www.bronlea.com.

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