Divorced Parents: Where Do You Find Your Strength?

When I went through my divorce, I was childless and frankly, I considered that to be an insult to injury. I thought that at least having a child to love and care for would make it easier to bear the pain of the loss of my marriage. Maybe in some respects, that’s true, but over the years I’ve come to realize that being a single, divorced parent has got to be one of the heaviest crosses to carry. I’ve heard stories over the years that would make you drop to your knees and beg God to never let that happen to you. Just as I believe divorced men and women are the walking wounded of our society, so I believe being a single, divorced parent for many is a path to sainthood.

Beyond the agony of dragging one’s children through the utter devastation of divorce, custody battles, and being shuffled from one home to another, single parents have to be both father and mother to one or more children, most likely while they are trying to earn a living and stay afloat financially. It is both physically and emotionally draining. There’s never another adult around to help pick up the slack and oftentimes, these parents rarely get much-needed breaks and time for themselves. In a situation like this it’s easy to become burned-out and depressed, making it difficult to find healing. If you find yourself in this position, I’d like to share an idea with you to help to recharge your batteries and bring a fresh perspective to your daily life.

It all begins by looking to Jesus. When he was in his public ministry, he had little time to himself. The people he served were very needy, much like children. Crowds followed him from one end of the sea to the other and it was difficult for him to have any time alone, even with his apostles. Citizens of the towns he visited were constantly begging him to cure their sick and drive out demons, and work all kinds of miracles. And of course the high priests and the Pharisees were giving him a hard time everywhere he went. Even the apostles—as much as they were his chosen ones—were fairly needy individuals, bickering amongst themselves about who was greater or not understanding that he was there to fulfill his father’s will, not rule Jerusalem as a wealthy king. But Jesus found his rest, consolation and strength in communicating with his Father in prayer. He would find a hiding place and pray all night and in the morning he would return refreshed and ready to face whatever the day brought. He leaves this example for us today.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

John 15:5 tells us that apart from Christ we can do nothing, so daily prayer is our best means of remaining connected to Him. If you are feeling overwhelmed, that might sound like just another thing heaped upon you, but there are creative ways to fit prayer time into your busy schedule. The goal is to find refreshment, not stress. It can be as simple as getting up 10 minutes earlier each morning and spend some quiet prayer time with God reading the gospel of the day, or taking some time in the evening when the kids are asleep. You may have many pressing responsibilities and concerns about your future and I encourage you to bring them all to this time with God as Jesus did and find your rest and refreshment in him.

Here is another simple way to begin . . . when you open your eyes in the morning, even before you get out of bed, say a brief prayer and thank God for the new day. Ask him for strength. At noon, say a Hail Mary, asking the Blessed Mother to show you the way. Then at night before you sleep, review your day, noting the good things you’ve achieved as well as any failures. Thank God again. You will find a lot of comfort and renewed hope by practicing this simple, effective prayer routine.

But let’s say you get up early to pray and are interrupted by your child who wants breakfast. Or let’s say you’ve hired a babysitter so you can go spend an hour at your parish’s adoration chapel and the babysitter cancels. There are a million things that can get in the way of your sincere effort to take time to pray. Don’t let these things discourage you or make you feel that trying to pray is a fruitless effort. On the contrary, God sees your efforts and blesses you for them.

Here’s another thought to consider… it’s good to have your children involved in extra-curricular activities, but are these activities circumventing your time as a family together? Baseball for the boys, gymnastics for the girls, great. But Baseball, karate, and soccer, or gymnastics, dance, and swim lessons might be taking you all away from each other, and God. Every family needs to pray together. Why not make Sunday your family day, where everything revolves around you, your children, and God?

Whatever your circumstances, there is nothing that brings rest and refreshment to parents and children like spending quality time together and taking some of that time to pray as a family. Forming this habit will pay off in big ways for you and your children.