Feeling Emotionally Stuck? 3 Sure-Fire Ways To Move Past The Pain Of Divorce (Or Any Loss)

2.   Identify your obstacles to happiness.

Everyone knows when you’re taking a trip to an unknown place you need a road map to refer to in order to reach your destination. Well, that is exactly what you are doing here. Now that you have defined who you are when your world is as perfect as it can get, you need to create a road map that will give you a realistic and effective plan to reach that happiness.
To find your starting point, make a list of the five biggest obstacles holding you back from achieving the happy life you have already described (if 5 seems overwhelming, feel free to do 3).

The key to success at this point will be to identify the things in your life that you are within your control. “Being divorced” should not be listed as an obstacle because it’s something you probably cannot change. Being divorced is a problem that needs to be broken down into smaller parts.

“I am angry about my divorce and feel depressed” would be an example of a better way to address this because it is something you have the power to change and it depends on you. “I am still fighting with my ex-spouse even though we should be past this point” is another example of something you have control over.

Now you may find that by the end of this exercise, you have made a list that consumes an entire sheet of paper. No worries, it is good to identify problem areas, but just pick the five. Narrow the list down to the five points you feel are most important to address, otherwise you will be overwhelmed and risk becoming discouraged. Simplicity is the key.

Here is an example of what your list might look like:

1. I fight with my ex-spouse and I feel terrible afterward.
2. My child is angry with me and won’t talk to me.
3. I have a deep resentment toward one of my co-workers.
4. I want to have a better relationship with God, but I don’t really practice my faith.
5. I’ve dated, but I know I am not ready for a relationship yet and I find that depressing.

Issues like these are quite often swept under the rug and never really identified or dealt with. They just become heavy burdens to bear, and many people do not know how to deal with them or get past them. Some people do not even realize they are carrying such terrible weight until they actually sit down and analyze themselves.

When you are satisfied with what you got from this step, it’s time to move forward.