Family Lives Matter

Today began like any other ordinary day, but somewhere amid the whirl of homeschooling, music lessons, kids sports, laundry and keeping tabs on the events of the Extraordinary Synod in Rome I got news that my cousin had passed away. The news hit me hard, but not for the reason you might expect. I will mourn my cousin’s untimely death with the rest of my family, of course, but I grieve for the relationship we had that was cut short by a family rift.

I grew up in a big, traditional Catholic family and we were always around our extended family members, especially at the holidays. Those are some of the best memories I have and it was more than just teaching me how to build relationships, it was cementing the foundation of my faith. But at some point–and I don’t remember where or when–something went wrong. Before I knew it, years had gone by since I last saw my cousin. From time to time I would hear news about his accomplishments but I never saw the cousin I loved again.

Let’s face it, there are no perfect families as much as we wish we could be perfect. But as a child in my large family, I truly believed our mutual love for each other and the Catholic faith we practiced together would allow us to deal with and rise above whatever problems we may have had. As I think of my cousin’s branch of the family now grieving his loss, I hate the fact that I cannot go to comfort them, but can only watch from a distance and offer my prayers.

These past weeks, I’ve watched the events of the Extraordinary Synod unfold with great interest, primarily because of my work to help divorced Catholics stay connected to their faith and find healing through their faith, and the discussions that take place regarding their situations are important. Today, though, my cousin’s passing brings the Synod debate around relationships in Christ home in a special way as it should be, perhaps. Not theoretical, but very practically, starting with our own family.

Pope Francis is doing what he can to keep the family together. He is calling all the clergy, all the faithful families, and all those who are estranged and alienated to give their Catholic family a second chance. Not in ways that violate Christ’s teachings but through mercy and forgiveness. He is calling us all to reach out to each other and resolve our problems with honesty and with the integrity handed down to us from the Christ’s own words. He is asking us to support each other in love. That may sound idealistic to someone living in a painful family situation, but isn’t this the way problems are resolved? Shouldn’t families discuss their problems together?

There is a lot of haggling about the validity of the Synod. Are there agendas at play? Sure. Are there reasons to argue? Yes. But I believe the prayers of the faithful and the presence of the Holy Spirit will provide real fruit from this assembly. Fruit that comes from providing the opportunity for all participants to throw their cards on the table and be heard. That’s how spouses at odds save their marriages. That’s how parents pave the way for prodigal sons and daughters come home. We, as a global Catholic family, need to follow suit.

And so, I invite you to not only pray with me for the Synod and our brothers and sisters in Christ, but also to put a firm foot forward in healing our families, however that may translate to your own. Let’s begin this year of mercy with a clear understanding that if you need someone to reach out to you, extend your hand.

Got questions? Email me at [email protected].