As a spiritual practice, kindness is a practice that enhances generosity. Until we are “trained” by social conditioning, we are naturally kind and gentle people. As a spiritual practice, kindness counters selfishness.
Kindness is a powerful virtue that shapes our relationships, communities, and inner lives. So powerful indeed, that Lao Tzu considered it on of the first of three great treasures offering:
Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.
In this post, I will be reflecting on three references that came to me in my lectio this week The Rule of Saint Benedict Chapter 31, James 3, and 1 Timothy 3. Here, I want to emphasize their timeless wisdom on kindness, self-reflection, and humility.
The Rule of Saint Benedict Chapter 31: Kind Words and Responsible Stewardship
This morning, I was reflecting on Chapter 31 in The Rule of Saint Benedict, and it was discussing the role of the cellarer—a steward responsible for the material and spiritual well-being of the community. Rooted always in humility, Chapter 31 instructs the cellarer to offer not only material goods but also gentle, respectful words to all, recognizing that every interaction is an opportunity to embody compassion. This call to kindness in speech is not limited to the abbey; it serves as a reminder that our daily exchanges—no matter how routine—can be sanctified through patience and understanding. By choosing words that uplift and encourage, we foster an environment where generosity and respect flourish, laying a foundation for healthy relationships and robust community life.
Kindness generates a ripple effect similar to other constructive behaviors. Demonstrating kindness typically creates emotional contagion. Practicing kindness promotes emotional positivity within our environment. By consistently exhibiting patience and respect toward others—even under stress—we contribute to effective communication that enhances the wellbeing of the broader community. In contemporary contexts, both leadership and everyday stewardship—whether at home, in the workplace, or within the community—are strengthened through the deliberate application of kindness in both words and actions.
James 3: The Power and Responsibility of Our Tongues
James chapter 3 highlights how the tongue, though one of the smallest parts of the body, possesses extraordinary power to affect others—able to bring both good and harm. The passage also encourages individuals to thoughtfully reflect before speaking, taking a moment to understand how words might influence those who hear them.
In my younger years, I was not the greatest with social cueing; the impulsive part of my ADHD often led me to lead with my tongue rather than my brains. This really affected my first church placement following seminary and ultimately led to the end of that career as I saw it. As a therapist, I must be very measured in the way I speak to my clients. Often, I must get out of the way and let the client’s words and motivations lead the session. All I do is use my tongue and my ears as rudders to guide the client’s ship.
In therapy, we learn to listen actively, to choose our words carefully, and being mindful to foster a habit of positive speech.
1 Timothy 3: Humility and Removing Ego from Kindness
1 Timothy 3 offers a clear outline of the qualities expected of leaders: temperance, self-control, gentleness, and above reproach. In practicing these virtues, we are not just reflecting the marks of good character; we are seeing the demonstration that they require a conscious effort to set aside personal ego and focus on the well-being of others. In leadership, prioritizing others over oneself is essential for building trust and fostering a supportive environment. The call to temperance and gentleness underscores that effective leadership is not about asserting power but about serving with humility.
Authentic kindness, as described in 1 Timothy, is deeply linked to humility. True kindness is not self-serving; it considers the needs and circumstances of others before one’s own desires. By practicing humility, leaders and individuals alike can ensure that their acts of kindness are genuine, placing the welfare of others at the center of their actions. This approach not only strengthens relationships but also creates a community where respect and compassion guide every interaction.
We must live an examined life. In a previous post on Ignatian Spirituality, I offered these words: “The Examine is a technique of prayerful reflection on the events of the day in order to detect God’s presence and discern his direction for us. The Examen is an ancient practice in the Church that can help us see God’s hand at work in our whole experience. When we engage in this practice, we can begin to identify when our ego hinders kindness, and we begin to learn how to cultivate better paths toward a humbler way of being.
Practical Steps to Cultivate Kindness
As I was considering then how to cultivate kindness, I thought of these actionable steps:
- Pause and reflect before responding, especially in challenging situations – I have a small Buddha statue across from where I sit with clients. I look at it often to take a deep breath and consider my words before offering any kind of feedback.
- Practice daily acts of kindness, starting with words. “Have a blessed day” I offer this to everyone. I practice daily seeing the Christ presence in all that I meet.
- Seek feedback and be open to correction as a means of growth in humility. You don’t know if you don’t ask. Asking for advice and finding you have gotten it wrong or missed the mark on a regular basis is good humble pie.
To Close
To close this reflection, I have focused on the key idea that kindness, when shaped by wisdom, self-examination, and humility, holds the power to transform not only our own lives but also the communities we are part of. By choosing words and actions that uplift others, we create a ripple effect of generosity, trust, and compassion.
As we go through the next week, I want to challenge you to intentionally to take a moment to offer a small act of kindness – whether it’s offering a sincere compliment, pausing before speaking in a stressful moment, or asking for feedback with an open heart, let this be a conscious step toward nurturing a kinder, more thoughtful world.
Let us remember the words of Lao Tzu: “Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.” May we pursue kindness not just as an occasional gesture but as a lifelong practice—one that continually shapes us and those around us for the better.
Ad-Free & Subscriber Log-In