My Followers! We have a Crisis!

Due the influence of Jews, Freemasons, Communists, and Satanists, the ranks of you, my cringing followers, has remained at 128 for over three days!

THIS IS A CRISIS!

Therefore, my assignment for you today (taking priority even over the duty of writing a daily haiku in my honor) is to recruit more Followers: preferably weak-minded people who think a scientific “personality test” will be their key to happiness and fulfillment.

GO, MY FOLLOWERS, GO! WE MUST INCREASE THE NUMBER OF MY FOLLOWERS PURELY FOR THE SAKE OF INCREASING THE NUMBER OF MY FOLLOWERS! FOR THE PURPOSE OF YOUR EXISTENCE IS TO DO POINTLESS BUSY WORK FOR ME!

(Also, just out of curiosity, what do you Followers do in your off hours? Do you get together for brewskis? Discuss my manifold perfections? Plot my downfall, death and dismemberment and the dawn of a glorious new age of freedom? I’ve always wondered about that sort of thing as I brood in the inmost recesses of my Dark Tower.)

Anyway, gotta get back to spinning world-spanning webs of deception and control.

That is all.