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Today, my mindless sycophants, I command you to learn and sing the lyrics to the theme from Hogan’s Heroes (as performed on the immortal “Hogan’s Heroes Sing The Best of World War II” album by the stars of Hogan’s Heroes):

Heroes, heroes, husky men of war,
Sons of all the heroes, of the war before.
We’re all heroes up to our ear o’s,
You ask the questions,
We make suggestions,
That’s what we’re heroes for.

All good heroes love a nifty fight,
Open up the bomb bays, brighten up the night.
We earn laurels solving your quarrels,
You throw the roses,
We punch the noses,
That’s what we’re heroes for.

What’s a hero do?
We’re never gonna tell ya
Cause we wish we knew.
That’s why we heroes are so few.
We’ve got a slogan,
From Colonel Hogan,
And Colonel Hogan’s a hero too.

Never flinch, boys, never be afraid,
Heroes are not born, boys, heroes all are made.
Ask not why, boys, never say die, boys,
Answer the call, remember we’ll all be heroes forever more.

That is all.