Why can’t we have First Ladies abducted by aliens?

I think stories like this are so great. There’s something so… I don’t know… unbridled about Asian craziness. There seems to be no concern about how it looks or sounds to normal people. I enjoy that. The last time we had something like this in the White House was with Nancy Reagan consulting psychics. But she did that on the QT and didn’t advertise it to the world. Not nearly as fun. What I say is: More Alien Abductions for First Ladies!