You Know, Underneath My Gruff Dark Lord Exterior…

…is a heart of cold stone. But even that can be warmed occasionally by the cringing devotion of my minions. For example, here’s a note delivered to me by crebain as I was having my morning brood in the Dark Tower:

My mom is currently going through RCIA and has quickly become very fond of our Holy Mother. My wife and I were pondering some gifts we would like to send her and a thought occurred to me. I said to my wife, “Hey, I know this guy who wrote some really cool books about Mary. I’ll bet mom would love this!” So, as a good son should do, I am going to order the Mary, Mother of the Son trilogy for my mom and put my personal desire for my own copies on hold.

As a loyal and dedicated minion, I would like to ask the Dark Lord for a small favor. I realize I may have my gruel rationed and a few extra cranks on the rack may be in order but, hey, it’s for mom. Would it be possible to request that my Dark Lord sign a copy to dear old mom? I know from reading the site that you sign copies. I just wanted to make sure that it was signed to my mom and not to me. What’s the best way to make this happen?

Your Loyal (and obviously VERY brave) Minion.

You see! This is the sort of touching filial devotion that turns my heart of cold stone into a heart of cool stone. It makes me want to cry out, “Because you care, little minion, I’ll kill you last.” Why can’t all my Followers demonstrate this sort of foolish vulnerability to my capricious and demented sociopathic whims?

Happily, today I am in a good mood what with the experiments going well and all. So I have decided to grant your boon, fawning lackey. All I need is your mom’s name, which you can give me in the comments on the Paypal order or, if you prefer, in the letter with the check for the order.

If the rest of my followers are starting to think about your annual Christmas release from the Chamber of Re-Education beneath my Dark Tower (once we have attached the GPS/Agonizer unit to the base of your skull to ensure you actually go straight home and return here promptly), then what better way to say “Merry Christmas!” than with the gift of my new trilogy (or some other fine book or media product) to Mom, Dad, brother, sister, or dozens and dozens of your close friends, remote acquaintances, and nervous strangers eyeing you suspiciously on the street?