Researchers Claim to Have Found Sexular Paradise

You can have casual sex with no emotional wreckage!

All you have to do is a) lie to researchers and/or b) remain under the age of 24 forever.

The rest of you with the vast wasteland of emotional wreckage: we don’t want to hear about it. We’re building a sexular American paradise and we’re busy exporting it to the world. Shut up!