An apology, the first of a planned series

I’ve been thinking about this week and am not too happy with myself for a couple of reasons. The first has to do with the pants thread. Somebody wrote me on behalf of her husband to complain that she and he and various other felt I had treated him rudely for his defense of the (I maintain, deeply stupid, offensive and creepy) editorial telling women to stop wearing pants in imputing sin to them if they resist this absurd exhortation.

My reply: Margaret: I’m sorry I hurt your husband’s and your feelings. There are, as it happens, feelings at both ends. I’ve watched friends go through no fault divorces because their spouse decided to ditch them, so I have rather strong feelings about people (especially men) who abandon their marital vows. When websites associated with such men compound this by suggesting that women (like, you know, my wife) who happen to be comfortable in pants are sinning, I simmer with contempt. Some readers chose to say, not that they happen to like skirts (fine with me. I don’t care.) but that women who caviled at being bossed around by control freaks who think pants matter more than marital vows were trying to “justify” wearing pants (as though it’s a sin). In short, they swallowed the camel of wife abandonment while straining at the gnat of pants. In the process, they succeeded in hitting two buttons with me. The first is my aforementioned disgust with men who ditch their marital vows. The second is that in speaking of women as trying to “justify” some “sin”, they were suggesting that my wife is behaving sinfully and immodestly by not knuckling under to the demand of the control freaks. I dislike it–intensely–when people impugn my wife’s modesty and took umbrage.

Now, I have been under the gun with deadline pressure this week and was not especially interested in laboring to make less than terse and dismissive replies since I was not inclined to care about the feelings of people who suggest my wife is immodest. However, in addition to this, there is something more: namely indulgence of the sin of anger. For I took more umbrage than I should have because my wife herself thought the matter silly while I used her as a sort of excuse to give way to anger on her behalf. It’s a slick trick of the flesh really: “Oh, I’m not mad on *my* account!” I’m a noble person defending *this* person over here.”

All of which is to say, I will happily ask his forgiveness–and I will extend my own to him for insulting my wife’s modesty. He may not have realized he was doing so, but as far as I was concerned, he was. I don’t take kindly to that. Hence, my sharpness with him and others, which I regret and ask forgiveness for. I also apologize to others for my sharpness.

Next (as in, in the next couple days) an apology to Jeff Culbreath, as well as sundry standing disagreements. First I need to collect my thoughts.