You Can Help Write a Play!

Here’s one of the more intriguing reader requests I’ve gotten in a while:

May the Lord give you peace!

I am writing to ask your help. I am engaged in producing a script for a play that will oust the infamous Vagina Monologues from Catholic college campuses nationwide. Its working title is: Who Told You that You Were Naked? (from Genesis 3:11), and its goal is to represent the fullness of our Catholic understanding of the real and ideal relationships between men and women in Christ, rather than the debased and reductive vision propounded by Ensler’s play.

Would you be willing to share the following questions with your readers, so that I might incorporate their answers into this new play? Any or all would be of great help. All comments will be separated from any distinguishing markers (names, places) to protect confidentiality:

1. Man and woman go together like: ____?
2. The best thing about the difference between men and women is: ____ ?
3. The image I get when someone says “complementarity” is: _____ ?
4. In heaven, men will ____ and women will _____ .
5. In hell, men will ____ and women will ____.
6. In purgatory, men will ____ and women will ____.
7. The single change to our culture that would best exhibit complementarity would be: _____ ?

My smart alec replies:
1. Woman and man.
2. My wife’s beard stubble does not stab me in the face when we smooch.
3. “Nice tie!”
4. “be happy to be wrong”/”be magnanimous about being right”
5. “hog the remote”/”watch ‘Twilight’ 24/7”
6. “patiently endure ‘Twilight’ out of love”/”not ask men to watch ‘Twilight'”
7. “Men and woman everywhere across the globe joining hands and shouting in one accord: “NICE TIE!”

I volunteer these since a play needs a bit of comedy and so I hope these will be usable before the serious answers that you guys provide will be spoken.