I wrote to Fr. Shane Tharp, Catholic Ragemonkey

…to remonstrate with him and all Oklahomans (I’m looking at YOU, Mr. Lobato) for stealing one of Washington state’s most valuable natural resources: earthquakes. Fr. Shane wrote back:

We steal Starbucks, Whole Foods, NBA, tattooed hipsters, and now earthquakes. We need to steal those who might reveal my plans, namely an Internet scribe. We are fine here although some stuff was broken.

Serves you right for dinking around with plate tectonics! Didn’t you guys do enough damage when you drained that vast inland sea and killed off the plesiosaurs? Now there’s just a couple left in Loch Ness and they are camera shy. I hope you’re happy!