My son Peter is in class with a young woman named “Shea”

I mean her first name. I have commanded him to propose marriage immediately, assuring her that he doesn’t have any feelings for her and will not be making any demands on her time and energy (which will naturally put any woman at ease), but that it is simply wrong for her not to have the name “Shea Shea”. She is in his theatre class, so I’m really doing this for her greater good. After all, as entertainers like Zsa Zsa, Duran Duran, GaGa, and Evelyn Evelyn demonstrate, a squared name is a virtual ticket to success.

Question: Am I a bad father or a deeply responsible person?

(My wife’s answer–“You are a strange sad little man, and you have my pity”–is not on the table for discussion.)

Once she hits the big time, we will open a series of signature restaurants called “Chez Shea Shea” from Walla Walla to Pago Pago. Money and fame, here we come!