A Word of Thanks to My Awesome Readers

A Word of Thanks to My Awesome Readers December 20, 2013

…from the family you helped out last week:

Dear Amazing, Wonderful, Giving Strangers of the World,

(I have a weird sense of humor so go with it. :D)

There are no words that can express how deeply thankful we are to all of you. You have blessed us in a way we never would have thought possible. And the NOTES that came with the money were just amazing. And to show you how God has worked through all of you, I need to tell all of you a story.

I was diagnosed with neurocardiogenic syncope in February. For those unaware, it is a dysautonomic disease. When my blood pressure gets too low, my brain tells my nervous system to quicken my heart rate. Instead of telling my heart to speed up to balance out my blood pressure, my nervous system tells it to slow down. (We jokingly call this faulty wiring.) The result is severe fainting. I had to quit my job because I was too afraid of passing out at work. March and April were months filled in absolute fear because I didn’t want to leave my house. When my husband went to work, I would become terrified of being alone. You see, I had somehow created a disorder in my head that told me that when I passed out, I wouldn’t wake back up, no matter how illogical that is according to the medical community. My husband would often come home early from work because I was terrified.

It wasn’t until about May when we found a doctor who (we think) found me the right set of pill cocktails (oy vey) to help prevent the fainting. Even though they have helped, I have gone through hell. I imagine this is what discovering you have cancer feels like (though I know it cannot come close to comparing). My body betrayed me. And my brain ate that up like crazy, creating a never ending sense of fear and feeling inept. I’ve always been the Fixer, the People Pleaser, the one who could find the solution and always had enough strength to carry the heavy load. And suddenly I was left with nothing. I didn’t–and still don’t–know who I was. All I knew was that, even now, I was not able to bring myself to work and barely able to take care of my beloved husband and beautiful son.

My husband worked as hard as he could but could never make enough. I know that’s nowhere near his fault. Being a server is uncertain. He felt just as inept as I did which only made me more sad. He was trying to take care of us and of me at the same time and he always felt alone and scared. We live in an apartment that is too expensive but you will drag me from here kicking, screaming and hog tied because it is next door to the elementary school which has an EXCELLENT special needs program. For months now we have had to ask for help. We have received some but it would stop. I have wrestled with being extremely angry at my father because he would not help because he thought we should be helping ourselves. To this day, I don’t understand how all of my father’s children were born with our giving spirits. It probably came from my mother, who is also chronically ill but would give us what she could (in secret).

We also received a lot of prayer. Which only made me more bitter.

Because of my father’s example (for my whole life, not just this past year), I have always felt unworthy of blessings. Our earthly father should be a reflection of our Heavenly Father. One plus one equals two. However, there have been two times in the past month where it was like I felt truly seen by God. The first was by a prophecy from a man who knew nothing about me who prayed for financial peace. He prayed that God would stop touching the hearts of the wrong people and start touching the hearts of the right people who could help us. The second was from my sister who prayed that I would see that I was worthy of receiving blessings. I still struggle with this one.

And then last week, my best friend randomly met me for impromptu coffee. I told her (though she knew the history, of course) of how dark life was. How mad I was at Dad; how we were late with rent; how much I was in despair.

And out of the blue, she got an idea and she messaged Mark Shea. And I started to cry because God had touched the RIGHT HEART. And throughout the course of the next few days, He touched MORE of the RIGHT HEARTS. I called her a few days ago and told her that we were okay. She and I sobbed together because it seemed like this True Act of Kindness and Mercy reminded BOTH of us that God was going, “I’m still here. I’m still working. You’re both still worthy.”

We haven’t been able to count on our family, but I never would have believed that so much mercy and love could come from people I’ve never even met. You are our family. We have our rent paid. We have our $300 power bill paid. We have our car insurance paid. We (!) have some presents under our tree. But more than that, we have enough left over to save up for next month. Everyone, you not only gave us Christmas AND our home for December but you gave us something we tried and failed so many times to make happen: A HEAD START.

I don’t know if all our money issues are solved. Only God does. But I want all of you to know that you gave us two presents: financial peace and inner peace. Because for the first time in over ten months, we’re not scared.

Thank you to my best friend for following her heart.

Thank you to Mark for reaching out when we couldn’t reach that far.

Thank you to all of you for helping us.

And most of all, thank you to God for everything.
All my love,

Hey Readers! You guys are fantastic.

And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren, you did it to me.’

Go ahead and own that one today. Well done!

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