Stupid Papal Headline Contender for 2014

Stupid Papal Headline Contender for 2014 January 13, 2014

Pope, in nod to conservatives, calls abortion ‘horrific’

I hear he affirmed the existence of God as a nod to theists and opposes oppression of the poor as a nod to Marxists. I look forward to his Marian devotion as a nod to women and his bold affirmation of gravity as a nod to scientists. I can only hope the press covers his remarks about coming in out of the rain as a nod to geese.

There are only two kinds of idiot who take seriously the notion that Francis is somehow reluctant to support the Church’s prolife teaching: MSM journalists and Reactionary Catholics who think God died and gave them the job of defending the Church from Francis. Anybody of minimal common sense and reading comprehension understands that he’s, you know, the pope and teaches what the Church teaches. Now I don’t expect the MSM to have a freaking clue about the pope. But to listen to Catholics who regard themselves as the Greatest Catholics of All Time–and perfectly well-qualified to kick the rest of us out of Church–not have a freaking clue either…

Oh, by the way, special bonus stupid for the MSM: Somebody apparently notice the gales of laughter the headline above generated and so changed it to a post hoc ergo propter hoc fallacy to try to look less stupid.

Pope, after conservatives’ criticism, calls abortion “horrific”


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  • HornOrSilk

    Wait. There is more.

    Pope, in talking about the good of fasting, is giving a nod to vegetarians, the Pope in lighting candles gives a nod to Zoroastrians, and the Pope, in wearing clothes, insults nudists.

  • kenofken

    “In a move widely seen as a concession to ultra-conservative Catholics, Pope Francis today grudgingly paid lip service to the Apostle’s Creed.

    Traditionalists in attendance at the morning Mass reported seeing the pontiff roll his eyes while reciting the Creed, a sarcastic gesture pioneered by the Rolling Stones in protest of censorship in a 1960s television appearance. Vatican officials deny those reports, saying any unusual eye movements were likely the result of seasonal allergies.

    Outraged conservative critics of Francis’ papacy say the latest incident is only one in a string of insults to the faith which prove the leader of the world’s 1.2 billion Catholics is actually a secret Muslim and communist. Similar charges have dogged U.S. President Barack Obama since he first took office in 2008.”

    • James H, London

      Dude, genius. You should write for Time magazine! 🙂

    • Hilarious and perfect!

    • ImTim

      If you don’t have a blog for this sort of article, you should. If you do, you should tell me what it is.

  • Articles like that, the recent editorial in US News, and the perennial allegations that the USCCB’s opposition to the HHS Mandate and abortion equates to stumping for Republicans serve as further proof of how many people conflate religion and politics. Not that the Church in America hasn’t enabled this tragedy by alternately making our institutions dependent on government funds or else scandalizing members away. People joining the mass exodus from traditional churches haven’t abandoned their pious impulses. They’ve invested their zeal in party idols.

  • ivan_the_mad

    Pope, in nod to pope, calls pope “pope”.

  • Stu

    Breaking News…this just in…The Pope is Catholic.

    Stay tuned. More at eleven.

  • Same headline in a newspaper here (Argentina) , with a twist
    “Nod from the pope, now to conservatives”