Pope Francis appoints Kathleen Sebelius next Archbishop of Chicago

Pope Francis appoints Kathleen Sebelius next Archbishop of Chicago April 1, 2014

No.  Really.  It’s on the web and everything, so it’s obviously true.

In other news, authorities report a series of “thick, meaty-sounding ‘thuds’ from the basements of the houses of various Rorate Caeli contributors’ mothers.  Witnesses report voices crying out “DEEP! SPIRITUAL! PAIN!” seconds before the muffled explosions.  “It sounded like an M80 going off inside a watermelon” said one man who happened to be walking past the house.  “Like when them Martians listen to Slim Whitman music in that ‘Mars Attacks’ movie.  Not a pretty sight.”

In other news, Tom McDonald has advice and pity for hysterics.

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  • Marthe Lépine

    Happy April Fools’ Day!

    • Francisco J Castellanos

      Who? What? Really? You mean it’s not true?? :-).

  • Fr. Denis Lemieux

    (Channeling my inner humorless scold. OK, he’s gone now.)

  • SteveP

    You mean she’s not already? 😉

  • Francisco J Castellanos

    Habemus Sebelius!

  • Dan F.


    More seriously, that piece by Tom McDonald is fantastic. Probably the best take on the asplody head reactionaries I’ve read all year (with due respect to the well written ink spilled by our host ::insert minion groveling::).

  • Peter Williams

    April 1st is such a confusing time to be on the internet. I just got done writing a eulogy for Simcha Fisher, only to have to find out what to wear to Archbishop Sebelius’ installation ceremony. Hopefully, someone will find this mistake and make her a Cardinal instead.

  • Rosemarie


    From Tom McDonald’s piece:

    “And do they realize that this relentless criticism helps no one at all, and risks damaging the faith of many, including themselves? Do they understand that they are leading others into sin? What are they trying to prove?”