Dear The Internet: I can never again know happiness in this life…

Dear The Internet: I can never again know happiness in this life…

without a wi-fi detecting Sting Hobbit Sword.

Please supply me with one of these immediately. Without happiness I cannot be healthy. Therefore, this is health care and a basic human right.


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Called from my mother's womb to be a prophet to the nations, I protested that I was too young. Who objected to this divine appointment?

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