Now that the Blood Moon is past and the End of Days is here…

Now that the Blood Moon is past and the End of Days is here… September 28, 2015

…I can’t wait for the shot of Bishop Robert Barron, standing shirtless atop a heap of vampire and zombie corpses, a shotgun slung over his back, with a crucifix in one robotic hand and a stake in the other a la Bruce Campbell.

If Joss Whedon is any kind of authority on such matters (and I think we can all agree he is) Southern California has been in need of a cleaning for quite some time. But a Bishop, prowling the streets in search of undead prey each night, is bound to raise some questions for the faithful and perhaps even provoke hostility from the Undead-American community.

So I think we are way past due for a carefully elucidated Theology of Slaying on Youtube from the good Bishop, explaining his actions, showing the reasons why he had his left arm replaced with a interchangable chain saw/robotic arm array, and inviting the lay faithful to take up the work of vampire slaying and putting zombies to their final rest.

We have the holy water, crucifixes and blessed salts. It’s time we used them in the way the movies have always intended we do.

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  • Ken

    It’s horrible news the world didn’t end. I was so sure this was going to happen I haven’t paid any of my bills now my credit is ruined. Thanks for nothing Blood Moon!

    • Artevelde

      *your* world seems to have ended. Proof!

    • neoconned

      Mortgage payment due today! Thank for nothing Blood Moon!

    • Alma Peregrina

      Is “Thanks Blood Moon” the next “Thanks Obama”?

      • Ken

        It could be a good excuse for a lot of procrastination. Why bother working on the project at work if the world is going to end?

        • Alma Peregrina

          As a non-procrastinator, I don’t understand the logic. If the world is going to end, then the more reason you have to finish the project quickly.

        • Marthe Lépine

          Of course! That’s exactly what Paul was commenting about. There is really nothing new under the moon…

  • Artevelde

    Never cared one iota for the blood moon nonsense but I’m on board for this one. Will there be a BBQ?

    • Rebecca Fuentes

      I’ll bring beer.

    • K. Lundquist

      Count me in for potato salad.

    • PalaceGuard

      I’ll bring chips and guacamole. And some of the glorious local apple pie.

  • Heather

    I was totally hoping for the world to end, then I wouldn’t have to deal with the new computer system at work.

    • wlinden

      Piece of luck for Arsenal if it did.

  • Rusty

    Is it wrong if part of me is ok with this?

    • Artevelde

      That depends on whether said part is still firmly attached to your body, or, alternatively, loosely dangling to the side while you shuffle down the alley.

      • James H, London

        Most excellent reply!


  • Marthe Lépine

    Strange thing, though: All this hype about a blood moon… on the night Pope Francis was leaving the US to return home. Maybe the world of some people, who have been anxious about, then shaken by, Pope Francis’ message, really did end last night? One of yesterday’s readings at Mass, something about rusting treasures, had a special meaning here, don’t you think?

  • Pete the Greek

    This whole trip really revealed something to me: That there are still TONS of Protestants out there who truly, honestly, HATE us Catholics. I don’t mean ‘I disagree with you’ kind. I’m talking about the kind of people that reading their writings on the topic you get the same feeling you would get reading a transcript of Mel Gibson’s phone rants against his old girlfriend.

    I mean some REALLY, heinous sh*t being said, and being said by people, who, on other topics, seem totally reasonable.

    There is a LOT of hatred out there.

    • chezami

      I was particularly amused at the spectacle of Evangelicals darkly warning Catholics not to worship the pope while Catholics were spending so much time cursing him.

  • Captain_America

    I am like, totally with you on this, Dude.

  • Tater Spivey

    i am not sure i am at the point where i want to see any Bishop shirtless.