Predestinarian Fun!

Q: What did the Calvinist say after he fell down the stairs?

A: Well! I’m glad that’s over with!

Down in my comboxes, an enthusiast for Calvinism gets upset with me because I take Calvinism too lightly. He writes (in part):

I just wanted to say that “yes, there most assuredly is a large group of people who truly believe in predestination.” And we rejoice in it too. Without it, I would have followed the path of destruction all of my life and ended up right as deeply in hell as many of the world’s most despicable sinners.

To which reader Bob LeBlanc astutely replies:

This strikes me as a strange thing to say. If you were headed (predestined) for hell, then the doctrine of predestination couldn’t have saved you. If you were headed (predestined) for heaven, then your learning of the doctrine of predestination wasn’t necessary to save you. Some other event other than the learning of predestination could have been substituted, had you missed the opportunity.

But most striking about your statement is that you changed your mind about your ultimate direction once you learned about predestination.

In addition, I would add two points. First, predestination is Catholic teaching too (with other things, of course). To believe in a God who is sovereign over all things and the author of history is to believe, in some sense, in predestination. However, the Catholic tradition has not expanded this facet of reality into the monomaniacal doctrine of predestinarianism, whereby God’s sovereignty is thought to cancel out all other considerations due (ironically) to the free monomaniacal choice of the Calvinist, not to something in the nature of God.

Which brings me to my second point: It is the curious mark of zealous Calvinism to proclaim salvation by faith alone while simultaneously attributing salvation to one’s ability to construct the very best diagram of reality according to Calvinist theories. Witness above. Without having figured out the Calvinist doctrine of predestinarianism, my reader believes he would have gone to hell. Could there be a more succinct statement of salvation by intellectual works? Time was he didn’t know about the diagram called predestinarianism and he was (he thinks) doomed. Now he’s mastered the diagram and he thinks he’s good to go. Those who have not mastered that particular diagram are doomed. It’s all about mastering the diagrams (sometimes incredibly intricate diagrams if you read the rarified squabbles among the TRVLY REFORMED about who is a realio-trulio purely pure Christian). Sola fide = Salvation by correct doctrine. A very curious form of doublethink.