Heh!

I go away for the weekend and return to find this delightful exchange in my combox. Somebody offers the latest diagnosis of my pure evilness with this insightful analysis:

Shea

We all knew befor the election in which you helped get this baby killer elected you were a closet liberal who actually hates Catholicism, hates tradition, and I guess because the market was closed for you in the Protestant book stores decided to sell yourself off as a “Conservative Catholic”

You are troubled man who is a wolf in sheeps clothing. Oh by no means is the so called righ wing perfect-but you prefer what you see on the left to be in power??

And please dont play the race card and if you hate the constitution so much, please find the next flight out of Washington State and make off to Russia or better yet Venezuela where you and Hugo Chavez have much in Common

Then, another reader replies:

Conservative Indignation Response #31 Activate:

You are really a liberal (blank)
You hate (something absolutely good)
You love (something absolutely evil)
You hate America and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to (some random country which may have a dictatorship or not…)

Let me try my hand at this:

You, Mark Shea are secretly a liberal hatmaker.
You hate puppies and pink frosting.
You love headcolds.
You hate America and want to destroy it
Why don’t you just move to Bahrain.

Allright! I’m ready to go on Fox News!

If I knew about programming, I could set up the Mark Shea Evilness Diagnostic Generator so people could save trouble and time by just cranking out the ideological invective automatically. All you need to do is fill in your personal tribal political affiliation and the machine does the rest:

I am liberal/conservative

Shea

You are really an anti-choice homophobe
You hate women and want to bring us back to the Dark Ages with your conservative Catholic Fundamentalism.
You love the Inquisition and the extinction of all human joy and freedom.
You hate America and progress and want to destroy it.
Why don’t you just move to Saudi Arabia!

We need to fine tune the system so that the nuances of ideological tribal alliances are all respected, of course, but that’s doable!