Yes, you can own your very own jiggly replica of a pound of fat for $34. For $90, you can purchase 5 pounds of fake wobbly blubber to have lying around the house! I’m thinking they should feature this on the homepage for Valentine’s Day: “Forget jewelry and roses! Get one for Valentine’s Day to let that lovely lady in your life know that you’re really concerned about her health! She’s guaranteed never to speak to you again after she... Read more

You are food for a corporation that wants to exploit you, not a person they take seriously. Indeed, you religious types creep them out as much as you creep out Keith Olbermann. And between Rupert Murdoch and Keith Olbermann, laughing at you and your silly primitive rituals is kinda fun. No, the malice and hatred between FOX and, say, MSNBC is over who gets to control Mammon and Bacchus, not over concern about the feelings of the conservative Christian suckers... Read more

…shouts into the wind: There are two emotive responses that arise in the heart of a conservative when he considers foreign lands with alien ways: a) A bored apathy, summed up by Nancy Mitford’s line: “Abroad is bloody, and foreigners are fiends.” This is the instinct on which old-fashioned isolationism relies. b) An arrogant impulse to take up “the White Man’s Burden” and reshape those unruly foreigners in our image. The default position of most conservatives is apathy, but it... Read more

After a week of basically peaceful protests, Mubarak sends in the goons to shoot people, beat them up and throw molotov cocktails. Then he humbly explains that, much as he’d like to, if he stepped down now, there would be chaos. Just a humble public servant keeping order. Meanwhile, the Obama administration can’t comment on whether the goons beating up protesters are in the service of Mubarak. Brilliant. Read more

“Everyone who enjoys happiness” should listen to the Tobolowsky Files. Stephen Tobolowsky (seen below as Ned Ryerson in the Groundhog Day clip) is a character actor who also happens to be a natural-born storyteller and one of the most interesting people on Planet Earth. Check him out and get happily addicted. Read more

I am so damn meek. I am the meekest Christian of ALL TIME! I’m way meeker than you, punk. Read more

Oh my! With a title like that, you just have to read the piece. Read more

begins a fun taxonomy of sundry combox personalities. For the complete lowdown, check out the magnificent Flame Warriors site. Read more

Odd and creepy. I’m open to explanations. I’m also moved to pray for the Mideast. Our Lady of Zeitoun, pray that the glory of your Son Jesus be revealed to the children of Ishmael and that Satan, who appears as an angel of light, be defeated by the power of God. Read more

Every Ned Ryerson scene from Groundhog Day, one of the greatest films of all time. Read more