Marriage Without God?

A few years back, I agreed to appear as a guest on a secular television program. Minutes before going on the air, a producer pulled me aside. “By the way, Pastor Evans,” she said, “would you mind not mentioning God?”

“Excuse me?” I asked. I wasn’t sure I heard her right.

“I understand that you’re a pastor,” she said. “But a lot of our viewers might be put off by religion, so we’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention God.”

I smiled, nodded, and thought: This woman doesn’t know me very well.

In my very first sentence, I mentioned God.

It might sound like I was trying to be difficult—and I probably was (just a tiny bit)—but I have two deeply held convictions that won’t let me stay silent in a situation like that.

The first is that I never miss an opportunity to share my faith with others. When I have a chance to proclaim the truths of God’s Word, especially to those who may not have heard, then I take advantage of that opportunity.

The second is that I never give advice on building a strong marriage without discussing the true source of that advice. I honestly don’t know how to talk about a healthy marriage without mentioning God.

Marriage was created by God. If you want to know how marriage works, you have to begin by examining what God has to say on the subject. Approach it any other way and you’ll end up empty and confused.

Since I write and speak about marriage so often, it won’t surprise you to know my shelves are full of books and articles about the subject. I’m a research junkie. Some of the best research on marriage and divorce has been conducted by secular organizations, and I learn a lot from their polls and statistics.

But once they turn from marriage statistics to marriage advice, I find myself losing interest. These writers have good intentions. Certainly they are well-educated. But they’re starting at the wrong place. They’re building upon a shaky foundation—if any foundation at all.

Analyzing marriage apart from God is like being blindfolded, spun in a circle, and then asked to hit a target with a bow and arrow. The chances of even getting close are remote. Worse, you might cause serious damage!

That’s why so much of the marriage advice from secular writers is contradictory. You might read five books and get five different answers! No wonder so many married couples struggle, frustrated and confused and unable to improve their relationships.

For long-struggling couples, throwing in the towel and thinking maybe you’ve just “married the wrong person” makes a kind of sense apart from God’s wisdom. But it ignores what God teaches about the sanctity and covenant of marriage.

God created marriage. He has a plan for both husbands and wives as individuals, but also as a couple. Your marriage has a purpose, and without God’s presence in the middle of your relationship you are bound to struggle.

If you want a healthy marriage, you won’t find it apart from God. Invite Him in. Place Him at the center. Surrender your marriage to the One who created it.