Nourishing and Cherishing Your Wife

Ephesians 5:25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” A woman’s number-one need is for security, and nothing meets that need like a sacrificial husband.

The highest role for a man in his life is to bring his wife to her full potential. The word husband comes from an older word: husbandman.

It’s a farming term. It means “a grower.” We are called husbands because we are growing something. God gives our wife to us and asks us to nourish her and cherish her—just like Christ nourishes and cherishes the Church.

To nourish means to feed to maturity. Let’s say you plant a seed. What will it take for that seed to turn into a mature, flourishing plant?

The way men often behave, you would think our tendency might be to look at that seed and say, “Well, grow up. Quit being a seed and just grow up.” When it doesn’t grow, we get angrier and angrier. We accuse it of being immature. We tell it to go get help.

Obviously we’re wrong. Because seeds don’t grow when farmers lecture them. Seeds grow when they are exposed to the right conditions: sunlight, soil, and water.

Security is fertile soil and sunlight for a wife. To provide this, as a husband, you need to first communicate to your wife that you will do whatever it takes to help her feel secure.

Secondly, you need to study her and be sensitive to her needs. An observant farmer can tell when a plant needs water, or when the soil needs additional nutrients. That’s because he knows his crops.

A good husband knows his wife and can predict what she needs exactly when she needs it.

A third way to care for her is to be a faithful financial provider and money manager. Work hard. Take care of the money. Listen to her concerns.

This doesn’t mean you dominate the finances—both of you are partners in this—but you pay attention to her worries when it comes to money. This makes her feel secure.

All marriages would benefit from the husband sitting down and asking his wife, “Do I make you feel secure?” If she says no, then ask “What do I do that makes you feel insecure? Or what do I not do that makes you feel that way?”

She will tell you the truth. If you’ll listen to what she says and not be defensive, God will use her to fix you. Women are relationship experts. She knows what is wrong, and the Holy Spirit will partner with her to repair the marriage.

When that occurs, it will mean that God is using you to meet her need for security. She will respond positively, and you’ll both experience the joys of a fruitful, flourishing marriage.